Home > Forum > Sexuality > Saving your Virginity for Marriage
Page:
AuthorPost

DaveLister

Joined: 9/10/2012

I figture it was thought of by a bunch of guys with little tiny weenies. That way their inadequacy wouldn't be discovered until it was too late.

Posts: 8

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | 0 | Down
Reply

nighthowl50

Joined: 9/28/2005

that is one of the dumbest things i have ever seen on webdate

Posts: 4912

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | 0 | Down
Reply

jem1987

Joined: 7/20/2007

Reply to: that is one of the dumbest things i have ever seen on webdate
HA!

Posts: 10722

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | 0 | Down
Reply

lordarmand

Joined: 12/25/2010

Reply to: that is one of the dumbest things i have ever seen on webdate
hahahaha! I don't even know where to begin with this one. Maybe I'll just smile and walk away... :)

Posts: 172

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | +3 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -6 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -6 | Down
Reply

jem1987

Joined: 7/20/2007

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 10722

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -4 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -6 | Down
Reply

jem1987

Joined: 7/20/2007

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 10722

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -4 | Down
Reply

wetnwild600

Joined: 7/17/2012

I really think it's about property. Fathers owned their daughters and passed them on to husbands. Daughters were considered "worth" less than sons, especially in agricultural societies. Since the genetic dice roll in favor of offspring being female and girls tend to have better chances of surviving, often there were too many daughters to go around. So to sweeten the deal, the daughters came with dowries and a guarantee that they hadn't been "used" by anyone else.

It's interesting though, how back when the expectation was more prevalent than now, and generally speaking, a woman's job was to protect her virtue, her virginity, but men weren't manly if they didn't assail it. It was a positive thing for men to have some experience before marriage. So where were they supposed to get it? Not from a virgin if she didn't want to face dire consequences, not from a married woman for the same reason, so who did that leave? The designated "fallen" women who were lucky if they got paid for it, is my guess. Also, other men. And farm animals.

It's so good to know that these double standards are rooted in a venerable tradition.

Posts: 1240

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | +3 | Down
Reply

jem1987

Joined: 7/20/2007

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 10722

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -4 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -5 | Down
Reply

wetnwild600

Joined: 7/17/2012

Reply to: There is definitely a Maddona/Whore dichotomy in men's minds. And I don't thin...
I don't know if it's the madonna/whore dichotomy that goes back so far. I think it's the idea of men's ownership of "their" women. Some of the cultures and societies that didn't conceptualize ownership at all didn't have the same ideas about women's sexuality. I think it partly stems from the fact that men were the providers for their families: their "wives" (even before there was such a thing as marriage); and their offspring, until either the sons could provide for their own families or the daughters could be passed on to husbands. It wasn't that men weren't just as dependent on women for survival as a species, it was that women as individuals were so obviously dependent on men for food. And the more women a man had to provide for, the "poorer" the family unit was in that respect. But in a lot of Native American societies, women were valued just as highly as contributors to the community as a whole. Work was divided but not value. Wives could leave their husbands if the husband was a bastard, and I don't think there was the same expectation of virginity.

But western cultures were different. In the beginning, the hunter/gatherer societies didn't place such a high value on virginity. Even the early Greeks who were agricultural, liked maidens, but those maidens got around. Maiden just meant unmarried. Infidelity was frowned upon, but even that went out the window for a great romance. It really wasn't until after the Romans that virginity became such a big deal in western civilizations. So, it did coincide with Christianity.

In Asian cultures, again, it was all about property value. Women were quite literally property. And at some times, in some places, they were considered worthless property. Even now they're sent to those factories that you hear about that are so horrible.

Harems, concubines, virgins, it's all pretty similar.

Did you know that as the Mormons moved from the east to the west, they killed all the adult men they came across and kept the women and children. Thus was polygamy incorporated into their religion. Pretty convenient, no?

Posts: 1240

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | +1 | Down
Reply

*ultimate*

Joined: 8/31/2012

Women need to behave as women ..there aren't many women these days that save it for true love....

Posts: 1352

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | 0 | Down
Reply

ahonestsearch

Joined: 12/9/2012

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 556

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -5 | Down
Reply

lordarmand

Joined: 12/25/2010

Reply to: Women need to behave as women ..there aren't many women these days that save it...
And men have the responsibility to behave as real men are meant to and be honorable to the one they decide to love for life. The vast majority of men are fooled into believing that having a promiscuous lifestyle is good for them but if a woman lives that way he can judge her and label her as a whore. This world sadly stands on horrible double standards...

Posts: 172

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | +3 | Down
Reply

lordarmand

Joined: 12/25/2010

Reply to: Court in Egypt Says Rights of Women Were Violated By DAVID D. KIRKPATRICK Publi...
What can I say to that other than SOMEBODY TAKE FU@*&%# GUYS OUTSIDE AND BEAT THE LIFE OUT OF THEM!!!!!!!!!! ... ... I'm ok now but those guys are very sick individuals. Really...

Posts: 172

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | +2 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -4 | Down
Reply

wetnwild600

Joined: 7/17/2012

Reply to: Ok, I am going to stop the research, I am not finding anything really specific ...
My experience was a bit different. I found out after my dad finally left, when I was 10 or so, that my mom had gotten pregnant with me before they were married. Since my dad was such a Hugely negative influence on me, my well-being, my brothers, my mom, I was crushed by this information. I thought I was a mistake anyway, and this was merely confirmation. I thought that she wouldn't have married him if not for that, and so much pain and suffering could have been avoided. I was very critical of her too. At that time I thought that both men and women were supposed to wait until marriage to have sex.

So I went through some stuff, got some therapy and believed my mom when she said they would have married anyway. I realized that my dad would have terrorized someone else if it hadn't been us. And I started dating.

I still didn't want to have sex as much as I liked making out with boyfriends. By the time I was 17, I'd decided that I wanted to feel more grown up and to be in love. After my first year in college I'd been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I decided I'd been on my own for a little while and I was ready.

I'm glad that I waited and I don't regret that my first experience was in that loving relationship. It was very important to me not to get pregnant and I never did. I went through a "wild" phase at about 22, when I'd date/hook up with guys for a month or two at a time, but that passed. I don't regret that either because I learned a lot about men and myself and sex.

I have really only had long term relationships since then, at least a year, usually more. That's how I like it. I take things very slowly. Partly because I really enjoy it when I like someone and the passion and tension build over time. Partly because I want to feel connected to a sexual partner. Partly because I don't want all the risks involved in sex unless it's for really great sex. And partly because I want to know the man is there because he wants more than sex.

I've met men who couldn't care less about my sexual history except that they want to know all about me, and I've met men who don't want to know anything about it. Like if they don't know, it won't bother them that I'm not a virgin. That's fine, everybody is different. I've had 2 marriage proposals and 3 other relationships where the guy has hinted around about getting married, and I have to say I'm glad I never married any of them.

I think the only mistakes are things we don't learn from. I don't like to waste time and energy on regret. I don't like to waste time and energy on worry.

I think one of the prevalent misperceptions going around today is that "tolerance" is some great ideal. Another is that equal means "the same." Our differences are what make us interesting, challenging, valuable to each other and the world. We should strive to accept those differences and value how they contribute in ways that we can't, that we couldn't if those differences didn't exist. Does it really feel good when someone "tolerates" you? I think it feels good when they accept and value you. We have a tendency to look for people who are similar to us. That fills a need. But people who are different fill different needs, we don't have to see them as threatening or as people we have to put up with.

But hate and prejudice, whatever the source, whatever the reason, are destructive to everyone. I don't believe those should be accepted or tolerated when they're put out into the world. If people can't let go of them, let them hurt only themselves, not the rest of us.

Posts: 1240

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | +1 | Down
Reply

*ultimate*

Joined: 8/31/2012

Women are trashy these days ...very few classy girls left..

Posts: 1352

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

lianapet

Joined: 12/5/2004

Reply to: Women are trashy these days ...very few classy girls left..
Men are jerks these day...very few real men left.

Posts: 2911

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | 0 | Down
Reply

leo blake

Joined: 7/1/2011

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 612

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

wetnwild600

Joined: 7/17/2012

Well that's good. The few classy girls and the few real men can maintain an elitist class while the rest of us get to have fun and live life the way we want instead of according to some set of rules we never agreed to in the first place. Yay!

Posts: 1240

Posted 5 years ago
Rate: Up | 0 | Down
Reply
Back to Top
Page: