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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

This form is for the discussion of key things that men and women think are important to have an amazing relationship.

Here are some of my thoughts:

1)Sex is the single most important element in a relationship. Not the biggest thing, just the most important. Now one may want to argue this, but lets thing about this. The only thing that is different between all the other relationships you have with friends and family and your lover is sex. Bio-chemically we are driven to it. So if that part does work in a relationship.. well there are just a friend then aren't they.

2)Compatiable personalities.... opposites rarely work.

3)Good open non-judgmental communication. You should be about to talk to your partner about anything and everything without fear. You should be able to talk to your partner about thing they like or dis-like, goals, dreams and yes wild sexual fantasies too. If you can't do that, you do not have the trust requried to have an amazing relationship. Anyone who be littles their partner over expressing a fantacy, just started the end of the relationship.

4)It takes too to tango. you must work together to stay on the same page in life.

5)Just like you invest time in your career and education, both of you must invest time in becoming better lovers. You must plan time to intimacy, sex and romance. Without planning it may fail.


As am ex-coach I was able to help keep my athletes in the zone during games. I truly believe a couple can stay in the lust zone forever, if they both do the work and nourish it...

Your thoughts

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

no thoughts? I am right? wrong? is there more?

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karma1234

Joined: 11/1/2008

I think you summed it up pretty well. Not sure I like #5 though. Spontaniety is better than planning - however if what you mean is to make sure that you dont get too busy with your lives that you forget about your sex life together - then I agree with you 100%

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

Reply to: I think you summed it up pretty well. Not sure I like #5 though. Spontaniety ...
Thanks for your reply..

What I mean about #5 is that like when you were dating, after you broke the ice with sex every date there after was a plan to get lucky... Bit the guy or the girl is hoping for it after that first time. There may not be a specific plan, but your are hoping for it.

After you start living together.. you no long have to plan it. That is where the danger begins, as life circumstances can get in the way. So I think you have to plan some time to make sure it happens.. weekend get aways etc.. Take a course or massage, or tantric sex etc... There is still lots of room for surprises and spontaniety don't you think?

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gentleforce

Joined: 8/5/2004

I have had many married senior citizens as members in my tai chi class, one couple married for sixty years and I asked them the secret to longevity of there marriage. There answer was prompt and mutually agreed - open communication and mutual respect. I agree, that if what we are discussing here is what makes for a happy long term relationship those are the keys. The sex drive certainly spurs us to find a mate, and while compatibility is important if your don't respect your lifemate nor can communicate openly and honestly, then you have nothing.

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just living ma ...

Joined: 7/23/2008

I think honesty and straight forwardness is the best way to succeed in a relationship.

xxxx

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

Sawyer... yes absolutely you must have those key elements to succeed in a relationship, but it appears most of us have issues with that.

Communincation communication communication.... but you must keep the fire going in the kitchen too.. and oyu both must do things to keep it hot. Even with great communication the relationship will die it the hear gets turned off.

R

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gentleforce

Joined: 8/5/2004

Sawyer... yes absolutely you must have those key elements to succeed in a relationship, but it appears most of us have issues with that.Communincation communication communication.... but you must keep the fire going in the kitchen too.. and oyu both must do things to keep it hot. Even with great communication the relationship will die it the hear gets turned off.R

Much to simplistic, seems like you are to focused on sex. Not that sex isn't important it is, but the real fire that binds two people together is love, affection, and trust, you can have the best sex life anyone has ever experienced but if you can't communicate honest or openly with your mate, the relationship will soon fade. To many relationships start with just lust and end after a brief fling. Your topic was long lasting relationships not how to rekindle lust. A long term relationship is not built upon strict physical sexual behavior but is a package deal of the mind/body/spirit.

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

Reply to: Much to simplistic, seems like you are to focused on sex. Not that sex isn't i...
Gentleforce.. I think we are on the same page, just expressing it differently.

Yes you must have the whole package.. you can't have truly greats sex without communication respect trust and love.

Sex is sex, but sex feeds sex and sex feeds love and sex feeds intimacy and sex feeds romance.

Intimacy feeds sex and it feeds love and it feeds romance.

Romance feeds sex and feeds intiamcy and feed love.

Love is based on the moments you share... a sexual moment, a romantic moment, a intimate moment... a laughing moment, a moment of need, a moment of accomplishment, a vacation moment, a sad moment, a respectful momemt etc....

but if you let the fire die (sex).. you lose love moments of sex, love moments of intimacy, love moments of romance and closeness..... then all you have left is a good friend.

Sex is the glue in a relationship and if you let it dry out... the relationship will fall apart.

Sex is the fire in the kitchen... most couple forget to feed the fire.

Sex is the #1 reason relationship fail..... so you have to ask yourself why does that happen???

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A little less t...

Joined: 8/25/2008

I 100% AGREE WITH YOU thunderstorms59....I ALSO FEEL LIVING UP TO THE EXPECATIONS YOU EXPECT FROM YOUR PARTNER IN ALL AREA'S OR SITUTATION'S.....S RESPECTING ONE ANOTHER IN ALL AREA'S EVEN THREW COMMUNICATION IN GOOD MOMENTS OR BAD MOMENTS, REMEMBER RIGHT WORNG OR INDIFFERENT ONE MAY BE THERE FEELING NEED TO BE RESPECTED......N DON'T EXPECT MORE THEN YOU'RE WILL TO GIVE..AND FOR GOD SAKE, TREAT YOUR PARTNER LIKE A PARTNER NOT LIKE A CHILD TELLING THEM WHAT THEY CAN OR CANNOT DO, BOTH ARE ADULTS !!! IN ME DOING SO NOT WITH WHAT I HAVE SAID BUT ALSO WHAT THUNEDER N GENTLEFORCE.........I HAD 20 WONDERFUL HAPPY YEARS IN MY MARRIAGE SO I GUESS I KNOW WHAT IT TAKE TO MAKE A REALONSHIP LAST!! INSTEAD OF IT GETTING OLD AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF......HEY JUST SHARING

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

Hope... great comment... I might add going out of your box for your partner.. is good too... you have to stretch yourself once and a while for your partner. That is how you learn and grow.

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gentleforce

Joined: 8/5/2004

No Thunderstorm59, we aren't on the same page, obviously you didn't understand my comment and I can't break it down any simplar for you. Sometimes expectations, preferences, create a condition where communication is difficult. I would suggest you read again what I said and see if you can understand it.

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

Reply to: No Thunderstorm59, we aren't on the same page, obviously you didn't understand ...
Well gentleforce... being that 93% of communication is non-verbal. sometimes it is harder to get your messages across in text. I do understand what you`re are saying, but with people who are self-confident, this is not an issue. That happens when there is lack of trust and mis-matches in personalities or when one partner has low self-esteem. For people with good communication skills and self-confidence this should not be an issue.

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gentleforce

Joined: 8/5/2004

first your percentage is incorrect, it is more like 30%. Also it is not in text but context. Obviously you don't have a clue as to what I am talking about. It doesn't surprise me that you feel women have problems in communicating intimate information, it is probably both a issue of lack of trust in you and that you don't understand what is being communicated. I can't help but feel I am wasting my time since you obviously can't understand basic concepts.

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

You make me laugh my friend... it is obvious you are someone who reads a little and thinks they are an expert... if you do dig a little deeper you'll find that the experts pyschologists say 93% is non verbal. Those are the facts gentle one.

First it is not me misunderstanding you, you is you misunderstanding. You style of communication shows lack of emotional IQ. If you were a pychologist, sex therapist, personality communication specialist. Then perhaps you'd have little better background to understand what I am talking about.

Then again you assumed that I have communication issues and trust issues with women. I hope this is not your communication style or arrogence and tryong to put down others. I have a college the has therapy session for those with that style of communication. It is one of the are I personally do not deal with. It is one of my defencies.. I have no tolerance for treating such patients. Not worth my time.

Good luck

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peanutmiss

Joined: 7/15/2005

Reply to: I have had many married senior citizens as members in my tai chi class, one cou...
I just came back to webdate to see what was what. I actually see a man that is intelligent and well-spoken. Thank you Gentle for your words that take the relationship into all the tomorrows that will follow the initial "finding a mate" phase.

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gentleforce

Joined: 8/5/2004

Thank you, I appreciate the kinds words, take care and I wish you good luck

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gentleforce

Joined: 8/5/2004

Thunder... it is obvious to me that it is pointless in attempting to communicate with you. You just don't get it.

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

Reply to: Thunder... it is obvious to me that it is pointless in attempting to communicat...
Gentle the reason you are having problems communicating with me, is that you like to be rude and insulting and you make false assumptions that do exist. You are not asking me you are tell me, which tells me you are not listening to me.

You see, I have had the fairytale relationship twice in my life. The first died in a car crash on the way to be me.. just before we were to be married. The second died of cancer 3 1/2 years ago. We had everything. passion, communication, love trust and respect beyond what most people will ever find. She was the air that I breathed.

I am here to learn about what it takes, to to be taught effective communcation, or to be told that I don't undrestand the basics etc..... etc... I know the basics.. and well beyond. I am hear to share the amazing passion and love I have experinced and to hear what worked for others. Not to be told that I haven't a clue. The fact is gentle.. if you truly read in understood my last message.. You might of understood that I am both a relationship coach and sex therapist and a few other things...

So you have to look at the way you communcation with others... With you I communcated nicely intially even though you,basically tell me I am clueless. But you continue to be agressive. pig headed and insulting. You have a dominate personality, which is a good thing, but it is also your weakness.. you need to learn how to control it.

Since you seem to know it all... what do you think the #1 reason relationships
fail?

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gentleforce

Joined: 8/5/2004

Thunder...the previous entry had no difficulty in understanding my remarks. So therefore, the problem must be yours. Secondly, I find it incredble to believe that you have any background in psychology. Look this has gone far enough, I don't see any point in attempting to communicate with you. Just as a point of reference my background is in psychology and I am a LCSW, if you know what that is.

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TheZodiac

Joined: 11/30/2008

No. It's easier than that.

Honesty. That's all you need. If you hold anything back, then doubt will form. That creates a lot of tension that will ruin a relationship. However, if you're honest about EVERYTHING from the door, then the cards are out on the table. It leads to open communication, better sex (honesty allows you to tell what feels good and what doesn't), feelings, etc. Even if you're opposites, you can honestly discuss your differences and work them to an even plane.

Honesty is all you need. Think of how many relationships you had that failed because someone wasn't honest.

-Z

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just living ma ...

Joined: 7/23/2008

yep Honesty is the best Policy Always. Cause whatever you are hiding will eventually be known to your partner.


xxxx

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

Reply to: yep Honesty is the best Policy Always. Cause whatever you are hiding will event...
Gentle I know.. it is hard to believe...I can't beleive it either.. I have no idea why people even come to me for advice.... I guess I do it... because there is nothing more fulfilling to me than to save or help someone for the better.

I am sure with your knowledge Gentle you must have saved more that I...

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thunderstorms59

Joined: 11/26/2008

sawyerrp... yes honest to your partner and to yourself... People seem to have a lot of trouble with that one.

Have you had that in a relationship sawyerrp?

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joeyesjoeitsjoe

Joined: 11/28/2007

Nothing but bull flowin here. Anything that you expierience with your five senses is temporary. If you have no plan for her to be with you forever all the sex in the world won't help her or you. If you feel...feel anything inside I mean, anything that makes you think, learn to understand it. It is who you are, and what you feel and what you should concern yourself with, not how much sex you are capable of delivering or recieving. Love is perfect, and true love in humans is too, find it in you. One other thing... you idiots who say to yourselves to "move on" when things sour...look at yourselves....you are the only one who has failed in your relationships, ask yourselves why. I read all this crap from you seekers not one of you looks at the REAL problem...it's you stupid! Look inside yourselves, deal with your issues, don't run from them ( move on), you are only setting yourselves up for more loss. If I'm wrong, what are you doing here in these forums? Are you looking for something from anyone else BUT you. Go be you. Go FIND you, or just be the losers ya are.

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