I've got a friend who met a very sweet girl and i'm very happy for him. But he found out that she has CP( Cerebral. Now he's all conflicted and doesn't know if it's a feasible relationship on any level because of the overall pressure this will apply. I don't know what to advise him to do because I have met this girl and she's a sweetheart. I don't want to hurt anyone...

Honestly Pal, Stay out of it.This is a intensely personal decision that is on your friend.

If you like the gal go with your heart- What is the pressure/ All relationships have their issues.

Read His question? His friend like this girl. Therefore this is a no win situation . When it comes to what the heart wants people will do the damnedest things.
Ask your self what do you gain or what is there to lose by offering any advice to your friend.
Their heart and conscience will lead him to do what is right sickness or no sickness.

Speaking from experience, I can understand this all too well. I was diagnosed with a rare illness 4 years ago and it caused my husband of 12 ears to want me to leave. He couldnt handle it. Everyone handles things differently. Ultimately, it IS up to your friend and no advice should be given. It is something that your friend and only your friend can answer for himself.

You are right...when it comes to the heart, people will do the damnedest things...I know this. Sometimes not always the right thing. I believe in following your heart but using your head and morals.
Hopefully this "friend" will do the right thing.

See I knew there was good people here. thanks Sweet. Yes going through illness is an incredible reality check and test the limits of all your relationships. Sorry to hear your Ex was an ass.

I and impressed with both of you. I've seen much ignorance and ego and just plain stupidity in these rooms so it makes me delighted when I read "grown up" comments. Thank you both for being here.

Life can be very cruel and people even more cruel. What breaks my heart is the synthetic "caring" and conditional love. True love knows no boundaries.

Anyway, I am preaching to the choir. Sorry.

Jim

Speaking from experience, I can understand this all too well. I was diagnosed with a rare illness 4 years ago and it caused my husband of 12 ears to want me to leave. He couldnt handle it. Everyone handles things differently. Ultimately, it IS up to your friend and no advice should be given. It is something that your friend and only your friend can answer for himself. 

You're right, everybody does handle things differently, but your husband should have known better than to leave you when you needed him the most. He made a vow to you, "for better or for worse," but these days it all just seems too hollow for one person to give it 100% and their partner to split elsewhere.

In the case here, he should stay out of this situation until he knows for sure what the outcome is going to be between his friend and this gal. If CP is going to cause him to split from this gal, then he should be man enough to do so and tell her.

Nicely Said Chino I totally agree with you

Well, CP, Cancer, whatever the illiness this will prove love or no love. if he loves her, really loves her he would not have to seek advice on what his actions should be. I praise my dad, long story short, my mom died of cancer at age 53. she had suffered with it off and on for 8 years. i say i praise my dad because he still had to work but every spare moment he had she spent with and taking care of my mom.

See I knew there was good people here. thanks Sweet. Yes going through illness is an incredible reality check and test the limits of all your relationships. Sorry to hear your Ex was an ass.

Thank you....messed up thing about it all is that even though he was an ass, I still love him and would give anything to have another chance to see if it will work. We have spent time together recently and I am trying not to let my disability ruin anything, no matter how bad I am feeling. Hospital stays, procedures and all. I dont even hold it against him. Yea...crazy and not so smart sometimes. :(

I and impressed with both of you.  I've seen much ignorance and ego and just plain stupidity in these rooms so it makes me delighted when I read "grown up" comments.  Thank you both for being here.

Life can be very cruel and people even more cruel.  What breaks my heart is the synthetic "caring" and conditional love.   True love knows no boundaries.

Anyway, I am preaching to the choir.  Sorry.

Jim

Thanks Jim......there are intelligence here. I hope your friend makes the right choice. Wishing him luck in his decision making.

You're right, everybody does handle things differently, but your husband should have known better than to leave you when you needed him the most.  He made a vow to you, "for better or for worse," but these days it all just seems too hollow for one person to give it 100% and their partner to split elsewhere.  

In the case here, he should stay out of this situation until he knows for sure what the outcome is going to be between his friend and this gal.  If CP is going to cause him to split from this gal, then he should be man enough to do so and tell her.

Honestly, Chino, some people cant handle having to deal with all that comes with an illness. There were times he didnt even come to the hospital when I had to be there. He just couldnt handle it. It does take a strong person to deal with it all and still be the same person without feelings changing. It is supposed to be for better or worse but that doesnt always happen in my case. I do know people that have stayed together and been so supportive of each other no matter what. THAT is the way it is supposed to be. And kudos to them...it isnt always easy to see the one you love going through the pain and sickness.

Seldom are we put in the situation of "walking our talk" and having to demonstrate it. It is so easy to mouth platitudes and BS and even believe it ourselves. Then, when we are tested, we get a close look at who we REALLY are. That's OUR moment of opportunity, to see what is and commit ourselves to expanded personal growth. Some cannot deal with that, but some can. Those who do are rewarded hundeds of times over.

Seldom are we put in the situation of "walking our talk" and having to demonstrate it.  It is so easy to mouth platitudes and BS and even believe it ourselves.  Then, when we are tested, we get a close look at who we REALLY are.  That's OUR moment of opportunity, to see what is and commit ourselves to expanded personal growth.  Some cannot deal with that, but some can.  Those who do are rewarded hundeds of times over.

Very well spoken! :)

The same thing happened to me about five years ago. I was shot in the military a long time ago with no lasting effect, but five years ago the lead started breaking sown causing several neurologic problems. Had to close my business so when the big checks quit rolling in she rolled out. So it is kinda funny to when I fall for someone I fall for who they are not what they are. But I guess thats not always the case about a year later a doctor figured out what was wrong and treated me, so i went back to almost "normal" and sha came knocking on my door. Telling me how she missed and so on, so my point is if someone is not enough for you on their worst day then you are probably with the wrong person.

Ice.....I have often felt that I was used up and when I couldnt carry everyones everything on my shoulders to keep things together anymore, he and his daughter turned their backs on me. I did a lot for the family, including taking care of his dad who is a diabetic as well as on kidney dialysis. His daughter has type 1 diabetes and I handled that too. Helped him build his company to what it is now and worked by his side when he needed me. Took him materials when he needed and did ALL of his paperwork for the business as well as taxes! Won custody of his daughter for him.....I was the one that was used on the stand to testify. NOT him, because he couldnt do it and he attorney knew that. When my ability to continue with it all ended, I wasnt needed anymore.
Nevermind the fact that I was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition. It mocks a brain tumor. My biggest problems are the severe migraines that morphine wont even touch. And I refuse to take narcotics and become dependent on them to function. I have to go in for spinal taps to keep excess spinal fluid drained because it stays 3 to 4 times the normal pressure. I take so many diuretics that this past year the meds stared causing me severe dehydration and my potassium and other levels to bottom out and I would be hospitalized for up to three days. The last round it was ICU!
Now that I have picked myself up out of self pity and was dating and going out, he wants to be a part of my life again. I think the difference would be that I am letting him back in again. This makes the 7th time in a year living separate.
I also know that it is hard to watch someone you love in pain and can do nothing to help them. Watch them stay in bed for days, sometimes weeks and even months because they felt so bad that depression set in. Not having your spouse at your side at family functions because they didnt want to leave the house for over a year unless there was no other option. I can imagine that it is really hard and it takes a very strong person to handle that. My Facebook friends all over the world with the same illness as myself have set up support groups to help the caregivers. It is hard to be on either side of the fence.

Another good post. Which leaves the magical question - what are you doing for YOURSELF today?

What have I done for myself today? lol....cleaned house and had to deal with a flat tire on my truck! I DID color my hair though. Guess I'll be sitting home alone tonight though. My daughter, whom lives with me, is gone for the day. So, I have the apartment to myself. Didnt sleep at all last night and stayed up all day, so I'll be in bed early. No plans tonight.

I'm getting ready to go to Silverado's ( Country club} see what I can see.

ne one wana go?

Remember, sweetie, the best helping hand is at the end of your arm.

:)

Yeah I just stayed out of it... I didn't think so many people would respond but thank you for all the support. Staying out worked for the best.