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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Hi all! WELLLLL...my question is self explanitory,but let me fill ya in!:
My daughter has a boyfriend that does not work,he is 16 years older than her,he treats her like crap and she has 2 kids by him.She works,and he has his hand out for gas money to go run the roads all day.I do not know how they are even able to buy groceries,because she makes min.wage,but I do help out if it is an emergency.The guy has stollen from me even when I loaned him money.Its hard for me to help my own daughter because he will somehow spend it before it goes for whatever(diapers,food,etc.)I have to go buy it,take it out of the package or he might go return it for the money.It would take me a lifetime to write all the bad things he has done,but let me move on here...
My daughter is now wanting for him to leave.This is the type that wont leave.The cops cant do anything.He is like dog poop thats stuck to your shoes.ANY advise is appreciated!

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Posted 9 years ago
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Manny068

Joined: 7/7/2005

Wow, harsh situation here. A few questions though before I can answer any of this. In the place they live, is it rented, owned~who's name is on the papers? Since she works and he doesn't, who takes care of their children while she is at work? If he does, is there a threat of him harming the kids since he seems to be a real loser? Breaks my heart to see a grown man, and I use the term loosely taking advantage here.

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Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: Wow, harsh situation here. A few questions though before I can answer any of th...
She got on housing and at first,he was not even supposed to live there,but she told me that he was now allowed,he has been keeping the first child,but she just started back working and I have been keeping the new baby.I feel bad because the the first child doesnt understand why he cant stay too,so I kept both yesterday,BUT I dont want to make it TOO EASY for him(the dad),they are HIS kids..He claims he helps my daughter by watching him,but you dont babysit your OWN kid,right???...I would not mind at all to keep them both,IF he was OUT OF THE PICTURE!!! Its not fair for him to have all day free to do what he wants,while my daughter works,and I keep the kids.
YES,he takes advantage every chance he gets.I buy phone cards for my daughters phone FOR EMERGENCIES and if he finds her cell phone,he will use all the minutes.
As far as a threat,I worry sometimes,but he does fair.He hasnt held the new baby but maybe 3 times,so he is not really a threat to her,but he has kept the older child and does alright.

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Posted 9 years ago
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brook64950

Joined: 9/1/2008

Make a fake myspace page. Chat with him using it. After a day or so, write him and tell him you are in love with him and send him a one way plane ticket to come see "you". LOL

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Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Hey! That IS a good idea(he Is dumb enough to fall for it,believe me) BUT...he doesnt have a computer.....If I was to give him a million bucks to get rid of him,he would find SOMETHING to complain about...If you think of anything else,tell me!! Thanks...KQ
Make a fake myspace page. Chat with him using it. After a day or so, write him and tell him you are in love with him and send him a one way plane ticket to come see "you". LOL

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Posted 9 years ago
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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

Siege warfare! Deny him anything he is now receiving from you or your daughter -money, time, attention, affection -WHATEVER(very carefully if he is potentially abusive)-why would he want to leave if he is still getting what he wants at your -and her -expense? This will not work without your daughter's consent and cooperation. If he is the father of her children and not extremely abusive, it may not be possible to get rid of him completely, but if you are consistent in denying him what he does not deserve -he will look elswhere for it. At least then you -and your daughter -may have some extra time, money -and peace of mind.
Who knows -he might even grow up!?!?

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Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: Siege warfare! Deny him anything he is now receiving from you or your daughter ...
I have stopped doing that 2 years ago,and that is the main thing I am after, a reason for my daughter to cooperate.She knows she would be better off without him,but I cant seem to make her actually do something.I have told her over and over that I will help her in any way I can.I need advise to give her to be able to get him out of her life because he is ruining it for her.I dont care if he grows up or not,as long as he leaves us alone.The guy is really a mental case.Thanks E.

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Posted 9 years ago
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wingnudtzzaa

Joined: 4/30/2008

best way to get rid of a bum?...throw a frenchfry or a returnable deposit can as FARRRRRRRRRR as you can. Better yet.throw a glass bottle..they go further. lol.....hopefully she'll learn her lesson soon enough

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Posted 9 years ago
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Manny068

Joined: 7/7/2005

I have taken time to think about this situation since asking my questions to you a few days ago...Seems to me from what you've said, YOU personally can't do anything about it. Your daughter, even though knowing he is a waste of breath doesn't have the confidence in herself to realize he isn't worth it. She will have to make that decision in her own time and hopefully it won't be too late. Sometimes we love our children so much, and want only what's best for them. No matter how much you reiterate what a tard he is,she has to want him gone. He truly sounds like a zit you want to pop so there would be one less pimple on the ass of this world!~

Posts: 143

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: I have taken time to think about this situation since asking my questions to yo...
YES...I have known this from day ONE...I have said it before,I will say it again....She HAS (finally) decided she does NOT want him...She doesnt know how to get rid of him.(I have been waiting for her to finally wake up!) She needs to know what the next step is to get him out of her life.He wont leave,but I dont want her to have to move out of the apartment.
I have taken time to think about this situation since asking my questions to you a few days ago...Seems to me from what you've said, YOU personally can't do anything about it. Your daughter, even though knowing he is a waste of breath doesn't have the confidence in herself to realize he isn't worth it. She will have to make that decision in her own time and hopefully it won't be too late. Sometimes we love our children so much, and want only what's best for them. No matter how much you reiterate what a tard he is,she has to want him gone. He truly sounds like a zit you want to pop so there would be one less pimple on the ass of this world!~

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: best way to get rid of a bum?...throw a frenchfry or a returnable deposit can a...
He is WAY too lazy to go after a can or fry....WAY to lazy.
best way to get rid of a bum?...throw a frenchfry or a returnable deposit can as FARRRRRRRRRR as you can. Better yet.throw a glass bottle..they go further. lol.....hopefully she'll learn her lesson soon enough

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

You said your daughter now wants him to leave. It may not be possible to be rid of him completely, as he has children with your daughter -so, it seems the issue is making him less of a negative force in your life, her life -and her children's lives. You can not make him change -nor can you make your daughter set the boundaries she should.
He may not feel emotions very deeply, but women -especially younger women -develop a bond to men close to them -more so the father of their children -which is deeper than they can comprehend. This is normally a good thing -but when the situation is less than ideal, it often clouds their judgment. Her head may say one thing, but her heart another -and that is not her fault.
Even if he will be around indefinitely, SHE needs to set boundaries. He has a right to interact with his children, but not to abuse her -or them(emotional and financial abuse is still abuse). The only thing you can do is educate her about how a good relationship should be -how theirs is not -how he SHOULD be acting -what she should do -and how. SHE has to do it -and time and experience may be necessary before she finally does -EDUCATE.

Posts: 321

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: You said your daughter now wants him to leave. It may not be possible to be rid...
Yes,I know there will always be a bond,but he has other kids and he never mentions them,sees them or even wants to,plus he doesnt support them either.She does feel a bit guilty about the thought of taking them away,but seriously(and I am always trying to see the good in all) the kids might be better off with out him around.The only way I see him wanting to be around them is if there is something in it for him.I mean the guy watches movies that are sick,RIGHT IN FRONT of the oldest one(who is 2) Just BAD example ALL AROUND...
But your advise has helped,and I appreciate it...I will continue to educate,even though I have been doing that for 4 years.I think it finally paid off and she is scared of change and the unknown,because he HAS threatened her.Thank you so much.....

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Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

This is the ultimate example of being between a rock and a hard place. The question: How do you get a bum to leave? Find out if he was married to the woman who bore his other children. If he was, find out if there was a divorce. In a divorce the father is generally ordered to pay child support. If there is such a ruling, you can turn him in to the state authorities under the "dead beat" dad law. That may not get rid of him, but the authorities will know where he is and anything he earns for the rest of his life will be taken to pay back child support.

Then there is the "get tough" solution. If you know a man who is really able to take care of himself physically, have him hang with your daughter. He would have to be someone you trust implicitly. Every time the bum comes to your daughter have the friend harrass him to the point where the bum takes a swing at him. In the law, even an unwanted touch with one finger is considered assault. Press charges against the bum for assault and the police have to take action.

If you can get the bum on an assault charge then obtain a restraining order against the bum. He will have a police record for assault (violence) and your daughter can say that she is in fear of him for her safety and safety of her children.

Try to get the law involved in any way you can. If he is still living with her in State housing, get the state involved. Have your daughter tell the housing authority that she is in fear of him for her and the kids' safety.

Research the Adult and Family Services for your area. There may be organizations that help abused women (yes, mental abuse IS abuse) get away from their tormentors by providing shelter and, in some cases, legal assistance.

This is extreme, but if he's as dumb as you say he is, have your daughter marry him, wait 6 months then file for divorce and seek sole custody of the children, alimony, child support, everything you can get. During the six months they are married, document with dates, times, places, witnesses anything and everything he does that would prove him to be an unfit father. Even if awarded alimony and child support you may not get it from him, but if he ever gets anything your daughter will get it for her children and if she is legally divorced with full custody of the children, he can be ordered to stay away by the courts.

good luck Kajun ... if you want to talk more about this you know how to reach me outside WebDate.

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Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: This is the ultimate example of being between a rock and a hard place. The que...
He was not married,he doesn't work to avoid paying child support...PLUS he is lazy.The authorities already know where he is,he has been in and out of jail.My daughter would never go for marrying him.She already has full custody,he isnt even on the birth certificate.I do know a friend of hers that would hang with her,but he works in another town...plus,how would my daughter explain that? How can you get child support & alimony out of someone who doesnt work?
All we want to do is get him to leave her apartment,and leave us alone.The only thing that would make him leave is if he meets another young,nieve girl who will take him in...but no luck.I figured he would have found someone else by now....What sucks about it ALL is my daughter could have any guy she wants!! She is pretty, funny,smart,doesnt smoke,drink or do drugs.She even goes to church...She doesnt deserve this...You know what ticked me off?? She just had the baby and he wouldnt even buckle her in the car! He got out and made my daughter do it.He is so low....
I will need all the luck I can get...Thanks for the reply....:)

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

Reply to: Siege warfare! Deny him anything he is now receiving from you or your daughter ...
?

Posts: 321

Posted 9 years ago
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phil91073

Joined: 2/11/2009

Reply to: He was not married,he doesn't work to avoid paying child support...PLUS he is l...
This is such a sad story. Hope everything works out!

Posts: 7

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Thanks,and it is STILL SAD...unfortunatly.BUT...I can't do anything about it.

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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wrasslinqueen

Joined: 11/9/2008

Luckily for me my brother-in-law was on the SWAT team so he paid a visit to this guy I was trying to get rid of...lol. It worked.

Posts: 8

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Hmmmmmmmmmm. I know a hit man!! LOL,No,I wouldn't do that,but since the guy has been in jail,all the police officers do not want to have to deal with him either! Can I borrow your brother in law?? LOTI

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Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

Ever see a movie called "Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett? Good solution in that one.

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Posted 9 years ago
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wrasslinqueen

Joined: 11/9/2008

Reply to: Ever see a movie called "Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett? Good solution in th...
Great movie... good solution also..lol

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Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

The movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez is also a great solution! Loved the way she kicked the living shit out of him in the end!

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Posted 9 years ago
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wrasslinqueen

Joined: 11/9/2008

I hate older guys who want the younger women. Drives me crazy. This guy sounds like a loser! Sucks she had kids by him. She needs to take him to court for child support and see if he doesn't pay that they will put him in jail. Can she move in with you and stick him with the payments on the place? Then when he can't pay, they will evict him and he will have to get his act together to survive. Better yet.... get her talking to NICE GUYS with a future and then she will lose all interest in him.

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Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

Reply to: I hate older guys who want the younger women. Drives me crazy. This guy sounds ...
So you're age biased?

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Posted 9 years ago
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