Ever been out with someone and your children ( His or Hers) are taking up all the time so the relationship cannot flourish?
How do you find time to date?

If the objective is to spend time together, and the children are old enough (not infants) plan activities that include the children. If the children are not yours and you want to spend time alone with him/her, then you spring for a baby sitter.

If the objective is to spend time together, and the children are old enough (not infants) plan activities that include the children.  If the children are not yours and you want to spend time alone with him/her, then you spring for a baby sitter.

Guess I want to have my cake and eat it too! If I'm just getting to know someone, I would rather not involve my kids just yet. They are 15,17 and 21 and I swear they don't want me to have a life and will interfere with me trying to have one. I know this from what I have been through in the last 6 years.
So I guess what I'm asking is if anyone knows what I am talking about. and What has anyone succeeded with in this type of situation?

I know exactly what you're talking about Secret, even though that has never been a problem of mine. YOU are the adult. Just tell your kids you are going out on a date and that's it. "No arguments, no comments this is my life and I'm gonna' have some fun."

okay! When you say it like that, you make it sound easy. I'll have to use that when the time comes for me to go out on a date. Thank You.

Secret, I do not know the agaes of the children involved,but you have to think of you...the kids will have thier own lives one day and if you dont make time for a relationship,you may end up alone later...that is what I am sorta scared of,but my kids are older and want to see me happy.Sometimes you just have to be tough in letting the kids know you have a life too.

Secret, I do not know the agaes of the children involved,but you have to think of you...the kids will have their own lives one day and if you dont make time for a relationship,you may end up alone later...that is what I am sorta scared of,but my kids are older and want to see me happy.Sometimes you just have to be tough in letting the kids know you have a life too.

Kajun , see the third post on this thread. My kids are 15 (Daughter), 17 and 21 ( sons). I don't like to leave my daughter alone with my sons. I also don't trust them for too long of a period of time in my home. They have ideas of their own.
My daughter doesn't have any friends to hang with and that worries me too! If she did I could have her stay with a friend and just go out for a little while.

And I am scared too of one day being alone. While I am in my late 40's and when I am older it might not be as easy to meet someone. I don't want to sound conceited or base anything on looks but I feel that while I am still young looking enough I have a chance to meet someone where as when I am older I may not be so attractive.
I know exactly what you mean. I too want to be happy and have companionship.

OOOps,Sorry Secret,I totally skipped that post..If they are THAT old...I hate to say it,but they are taking you for a ride and being selfish. Your going to have to do one thing...Tell them like it is. I would suggest that you should put your foot down. The 2 boys are old enough to be trusted by now.MY GOSH! 17 an 21 and you can't trust them?? I think I would have to kick my son's ass if I couldn't trust him! And what's this about your daughter not having any friends? I bet she does. If she doesn't,tell her it is time for her to make some.Tell her you will take her to a skating rink,or bowling if she wants to invite someone.Heck,maybe she can go by herself? 15 is old enough to be trusted too.For a couple of hours,at least.

OOOps,Sorry Secret,I totally skipped that post..If they are THAT old...I hate to say it,but they are taking you for a ride and being selfish. Your going to have to do one thing...Tell them like it is. I would suggest that you should put your foot down. The 2 boys are old enough to be trusted by now.MY GOSH! 17 an 21 and you can't trust them?? I think I would have to kick my son's ass if I couldn't trust him! And what's this about your daughter not having any friends? I bet she does. If she doesn't,tell her it is time for her to make some.Tell her you will take her to a skating rink,or bowling if she wants to invite someone.Heck,maybe she can go by herself? 15 is old enough to be trusted too.For a couple of hours,at least.

Yeah well The guys can be trusted each alone and for a few hours together but I won't leave my daughter with them because they are a bad influence.
They each ;lived with their dad and each when of a certain age dumped on me
Have had some serious problems


So I am dealing with a handful of problems. My 21 year old is planning on getting his own place within a year and the other one talks of moving when he is 18.

As for my daughter . Yes there is a problem and I am encouraging her to go out and do things with friends. It's just hard when she never did try to have friends. She is much like that of a loner and takes after my mother in that sense. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

But thanks for the advice. I may have to wait this out a while until things get better.

Wow, sounds like you do have your hands full! Maybe you can go out for coffee, or just to breakfast or a movie when your daughter is at school or at her grandmas or something like that?

Wow, sounds like you do have your hands full! Maybe you can go out for coffee, or just to breakfast or a movie when your daughter is at school or at her grandmas or something like that? 

What I have in mind is those short kind of dates where the guy isn't in a hurry for anything and doesn't mind taking an hour here or an hour there.
Maybe a soda or beer or coffee or lunch. And maybe the times are very once in a while.
But if he is in any kind of hurry then it won't work out. He must be someone who is understanding and comes to the point of valuing my friendship.

There are good ones out there who will want to spend time with you and will work around your schedule, too. Take your time and enjoy. You will prob. run into some jerks along the way (no doubt), just weed them out and continue on.
Take good care.

Thanks Wolf. I will take my time and make sure they respect my situation.
I don't think I can get attached to anyone. I guess not being in the dating scene for a while has it's disadvantages too! You take care too!

Thanks for your response!
Hey now, you should look on the bright side! I haven't dated in several years and don't claim to know anything about it (believe me). So much has changed and hell, I prob. wasn't good at dating years ago either! Yet I am putting myself out there, have run into some jerks along the way, but at the moment am dating another teacher, who is making the dating experience rather positive for me. So, honestly, there is hope out there! I never would have thought I would meet someone and give it a chance.
And, even though my ex cancelled today on picking up my little girl, I worked it out where my sister is coming so I can still go to dinner tonite. This guy is pretty understanding and works around my schedule too. It's all based on respect, communication, and some attraction too, of course.

Thanks, I'll let you know if anything happens.

Goodluck to you.

I have 3 daughters that are 14, 16 and 18, and I really thought my girls didn't want me to have a life of my own either. I refused to introduce them to men I dated because I didn't want them involved or starting to like a man if it wasn't going to last. It was so hard to get time away from them and their busy schedules to date! I finally just told them that I need one night on the weekend and one night during the week for me. I eventually met a great man that understood and respected what I was going through. They have finally met him and love him so we can be together more often now, but damn, it was rough for awhile. I didn't know how to explain to my girls that Mama needs some lovin. (hehe)

Thanks for sharing that! I know there is still hope for me. That's exactly what I need to do too! haven't done it yet though.I have to get to that part where I've had enough and It's going to be what it's going to be. Right now I feel distracted by everything else in my life which really is my kids Lives.

It took me 3 years after my divorce to decide I was ready and that my kids were ready for me to date seriously again.

I haven't been on a date in 6 years. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

1 John 3:23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. 24 And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us.

I was a single parent with four children. oldest was eight. While tried to date, was a total impossibility until they were grown. In order to marry a second time, took risks I shouldnt have to be with love. In retrospect, should have waited till kids were grown. Thought I was a great parent right up until puberty. Good luck

I am single and I don't get to date that much because I am too busy with them. I guess I am too picky about who I want around my kids. I dated twice after my second divorce and they were both losers living in travel trailers thinking we could live in them and bring up my kids. I told them both no thank you.

Well, everyone wants to have the whole cake so you can eat it. No I haven't because your kids should know if they like the person you are dating. I don't stay with the person that thinks they can touch my kids and scolded them anyway they see fit. Its your life and you should be able to date if you want to. I wish I could find someone to date.

You don't