Home > Forum > Parents > Getting thru Anger and Pain in a seperation/custody battle
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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

My X left me about 5 months ago. We were together for 2 very long, very unhapy years. I loved him though, I honestly did. But he treated me pretty bad, and we ended up breaking up for the last time. One good thing came from our relationship though, our daughter. Shes 10 months old now. She is everything to me, and I really dont think I could go on now without her in my life.

My X, is planning on taking me to custody court when he gets enough money. He has a way better job than me, but is the type who only parents part time. From day one he refused to be on our daughters birth certificate (we werent married and he said he didnt to pay child support) even after she was born he wouldnt. Until he found out I was suing for child support. Then he came up with a great plan to pay me 200 a month and put her on his medical insurance. I agreed to this because my intentions were never to screw him over. But when he found out how much it would cost to put her on his medical insurance, he emailed me an email saying he wanted to relinquish his rights as a parent. I never felt so much pain in my life at that point. I wanted my daughter to have a better Dad. Now he will see her once in a while, but is so rigid. He will drop her off mid visit if I call to see how she is doing (we came to a new agreement that he will call me when shes at his place) or if he gets mad about anything, brings her home, because he knows I want them to have a relationship.

Now hes trying to get full custody. I know he cant, but he wants to try because he doesnt want me in his life. (He has been tryign to move in with other women, but I wont let our daughter move in with anyone without meeting her first at least. But that request brought me another custody threat and another I wont see her then till court.

I know he wont get custody but he could get visitation. I dont want to not allow her in his life, even though it would make things so much easier. But hes making things so hard...

Im still angry over the relationship, and even more about his lack of involvement with his daughter. Any advice on how to heal faster or better or at all???

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Posted 9 years ago
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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

he emailed me an email saying he wanted to relinquish his rights as a parent.
He is one smart man.

How to fix it? Um, I don't know. Shoot him? Drug him? Come to an understanding instead of having some weird fucking "power struggle" 'cause you're too much of a pussy to create a mutual agreement (signed, documented, proof for parties).

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Why should she have to come to any agreements when he only uses the child to get his way?

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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

'Sup fan? Begging for my attention again? *paw paw*

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Answer my question and don't you dare ruin this thread with your idiocy.

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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

Beg beg beg

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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

Muted... great plan, except its my X who is in the power struggle.I have been giving him every possible chance to see her as long as she is safe. He will bring her home and say "see you in court" for asserting my basic rights, like to call and check on her. He is the immature parent in this situation, but thanks for the advice.

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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

I offered a very lenient agreement on custody as well by the way, to be signed and notarized, he couldnt freaking handle it. And I didnt answer for anything more than ensuring our daughters safety.

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Posted 9 years ago
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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

Muted, this is a serious post. Whether you care or not, there are people like me, who can use the advice of others, without trashing everyone. Please dont trash me. YOu have never met me, and have no idea what you are talking about..

And again, Im not reading your posts anymore..

Have a nice day Muted..

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Leese, what I'm getting from all this is he only wants to be a parent when it's convenient for him. He left you and wants to move in with other women right away, and take your child with him for what? So some other woman can take care of her and he can continue fucking around with his sad little life?


You're right, he won't get custody of your daughter and never will. However I wuldn't allow him to see your daughter anymore without supervision.


How do you get over the anger? Well you don't, but you have to try not to let it get in the way of your life.

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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

What a coincodence, nobody's met me nor knows me here in person either.

I offered my advice, you declined. Your choice.

Good day.

Leese, what I'm getting from all this is he only wants to be a parent when it's convenient for him. He left you and wants to move in with other women right away, and take your child with him for what? So some other woman can take care of her and he can continue fucking around with his sad little life?
'Sup Uncle Patrick?

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Posted 9 years ago
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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

It's not about you muted. This is about Leese and her baby! If you have nothing to contribute then get out of this thread.

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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

OK, let's see. How to dumb this down. Um...

I've already seen that happen. You just described my Uncle meaning I already know the outcome, and the pot holes. You're right, it has nothing to do with me, or you.

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Enough muted. You're just being a fucking nuissance now.



I'm trying to help Leese. Or at least help her feel better.

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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

Reply to: It's not about you muted. This is about Leese and her baby! If you have nothi...
Thanks muted, for the post. I guess I have been living alright with the anger.. but still wish it would go away. I know what you are saying about not letting him see her and use her.. but OMG I know he HAS to love her... right?? If I lost our daughter. I dont think I could go on.. and hurting him that way, I just dont know how to. I think no visitation without supervision is a good idea too. He wont see her that way though. Ive tried that. I just, I dotn want to break my daughters heart, she loves this man... her Daddy. But where do I draw the line? How do I know what to do??

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

You do what's right for your daughter.



As for him loving her. Do you really think he does, or is he just using her as a way to get to you? You said he didn't sign the birth certificate. A real daddy would rather die than deny his child.

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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

but OMG I know he HAS to love her... right??
I literally busted out laughing. Personally, my Uncle's a pot smoking, manipulating piece of shit. He'd lie to you just to get all your money (all 5 cents), that's just the way he is. I don't know if that's how your ex is or not. But I'm assuming he does pot or drinks or has some "bad habit" like that. If you checked that box as true, I'd start to check off the "I don't think he cares about her" box too.

Maybe he does like her, maybe he doesn't. I can't really tell you that. But what I *can* tell you to do, is make sure you watch your step. Document every fucking thing you do, make sure it can be used as "evidence" in court. He said/she said bullshit doesn't stand up in court very well. Use e-mails and DO NOT fucking LOSE THEM ever.

This is the story with my Aunt:
She was 18, 19, got Married (Mexican girl wanted in America). Had a kid. Was happy (so she thought), was basically his bitch (it's how all beaners are and are content with it), cleaned his house, listened to him whine, he probably beat her (never heard about it though), etc. But anyways.

She wanted to go to College, the agreement was "You watch him for 2-3 years and when I'm out of College I'll take him off your hands forever." 100% Verbal. Everybody in our family knew, and he said "OK." You know, thought it was gonna be fine. When the day comes, "Nope, I never said that." Been a custody battle ever since.

TO PREVENT THE ABOVE FROM HAPPENING TO YOU: Document everything with usable evidence in court. Not "he said she said" crap.

If your daughter's 8 months old, she doesn't feel anything. If you smacked her today she'd probably forget about it tomorrow. In four years from now when life matters, and she has a memory, she might care. But personally, I don't see it that way.

You said he didn't sign the birth certificate. A real daddy would rather die than deny his child.
If he put a gun to her head and demanded something, would you think he still cared about her? - This is a very crude and unrealistic example of showing what he meant by that, but think about it...

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Posted 9 years ago
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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

Reply to: You do what's right for your daughter. As for him loving her. Do you really...
I know.. he tried to give up his parental rights to avoid paying child support too..

I think I just need to believe that he loves her and is going to be good for her. God what if the right thing to do is leave him in the dust. Oh, when I get to that point of thinking, I remember the text messages and email I have gotten from him, he will take me to court and what goes around comes around.. "remember that" ... it scares the crap out of me..

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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

LOL @ "remember that"

I hear that all the fuckin' time. People forget, it's an empty threat.

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Have you saved all those texts? They're evidence.

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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

Yes I have saved them all.. ALL Of them.. from day one, all the wanting to relinquish rights, him saying he wont see Em, his saying he doesnt want to pay child support, his threats, his lies, ALL of it..

So why dont I just leave him in the dust? A sense of obligation to him and my daughter.. and Im very confused.. but ready to give up.. I just cant take any more of the stress with dealing with him...

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Posted 9 years ago
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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

A sense of obligation to him and my daughter
My daddy put a bayonet to my moms back and said "This'll be funny"

You don't have any "obligation" better that you two seperate and nothing bad happen that the child has to see or be subjected to... Remember:

Monkey see, monkey do.

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

You don't have any obligations to him anymore honey. Leave him in the dust. Do not deal with him unless you have to, and encourange him to take it all to court.


He'll be burned there.

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Muted

Joined: 5/13/2009

'Sup echo?

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Leese71

Joined: 5/15/2009

IM crying now... I dont want him to be burned.. I want him to own up to his responsibility and be a good Dad to my baby girl.. thats the whole problem...

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Posted 9 years ago
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