Home > Forum > Parents > Dating and being a single parent
Page:
AuthorPost

MRSIKNOWBETTER

Joined: 11/15/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -4 | Down
Reply

murphyr7

Joined: 11/19/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 10

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

djchitown3

Joined: 8/15/2008

Hey there, I'm a single father of an 8yr old girl. I have full custody, and i've had her since she was 1. I can't stress how 'hard' this is, and I have the utmost respect for all single mothers that are doing it now and that has done it before me. I took on this responsibility because I wanted to, and because I didn't grow up with my father. My daughter didn't ask to come here, but now that she's here. It's up to daddy to provide. The dating scene, is just outright crazy when you're a single parent. It has ceased to be about ME. I live every day for her, and women that can't understand that she comes first, can 'kick rocks'. My daughter WILL look at me when she gets older and know that I did all I could and sacraficed an ungodly amount to raise a WOMAN.

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | +2 | Down
Reply

Maryhowcouldugo

Joined: 11/2/2008

Reply to: Hey there, I'm a single father of an 8yr old girl. I have full custody, and i'v...
Couldn't have said it better myself...I have an 8 yr old son and I feel the same way.

Posts: 44

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

boonee17

Joined: 11/22/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

boonee17

Joined: 11/22/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 2

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

karma1234

Joined: 11/1/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 11

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

luvz2smile

Joined: 3/19/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 13

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -3 | Down
Reply

csrracer

Joined: 9/27/2007

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

laurie16

Joined: 4/16/2005

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 5

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

69mindfreak69

Joined: 7/12/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 409

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -3 | Down
Reply

starswinger007

Joined: 11/15/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 23

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

arawak41

Joined: 10/4/2005

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 9

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

wolf513600

Joined: 11/23/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 130

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

lynncat

Joined: 8/14/2007

Reply to: All of you with younger children, dont make the mistakes that I did,remember it...
Karma,

I'm the same. I have a 15 yr. old daughter. Her dancing and activities have encompassed my life. We were always together. Now she is growing up. She doesn't want mom to come to the movies with her anymore. If we go shopping with another friend they walk two miles ahead or in back of me. In the Summers and weekends she is making plans to stay over with older sisters or friends. I'm finding myself alone. The past couple of years I have turned every offer down. I haven't been dating because I don't feel like explaining my life to one more person. My life has been raising the children. I have four of my own. Three are finished college. This last one has kept me going. I never expected to live my life alone. I was always happy being married. You never know what changes will occur in life. Now, I'm talking to men on the computer. But, I have been doing that for years and none of them really pan out or enter my real life. I don't know what the answer is? I guess it must be destiny. Another thing that I deal with is my daughter will bring up the fact that I am meeting men on the computer like it is a terrible sin. I don't really talk on the computer much if she is home. Sometimes I feel guilty if I am talking to someone and she walks in and asks me a question. She makes me feel like I am not giving her enough attention although I always stop to answer her or cut the conversation short to do whatever it is she wants. It isn't easy being a single parent. Even if the opportunity to meet someone presents itself you can't always spend the time needed to pursue it.

Posts: 87

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

sarablack

Joined: 12/6/2008

you all have it a bit easy my girls are 7,5,3 it is not an easy task being a single parent and to date all guys i have met only want sex and money. the sooner they can get rid of the kids the better off they think they are

Posts: 3

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

surfersam

Joined: 4/7/2003

I became a single father at the age of 3. I attempted to assimilate my kid into my dating world at the outset. It was not working. My kid felt that I was dividing attention while my dates were trying to win me through my child. It was uncomfortable for everybody. I had a great support group. I had female friends who were wonderful female role models, but looking for Ms Right was different. Though kids are the most important thing in a single parent's life (or should be), there is a sense of identity, self esteem and romantic issues that weigh heavy on the other side. I was divorced, was I still wanted? Was I attractive? Was I really as tired as I felt raising the kid alone?
Side note: One promising romance wanted to take my kid (age 6 at the time) and I to lunch. I was still sneaking out for a cigarette under the ruse I needed to go to the bathroom. When I got back my date was white faced. It seems that when she told my kid that she really liked me, my child replied "You haven't got a chance in hell!" Wow!
How to make it work is to slow the process. Get to know your partner before throwing them into the fire and vice versa. Kids are perceptive, but kids are also extremely jealous. When the time is right to have a melding of the two worlds, stay away from places that have special meaning between parent and kid and leaves you as an outsider. Bring along a friend for the child or include other siblings when the chance arises. Picnics and family outings and cookouts work out well. Movies and pizza work out better.
The key is to take it slow, if you think it is going to work and be honest if you think it is falling apart. Honesty will save your time and money, and is a great lesson teacher for the younger ones!

Posts: 2

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

wingnudtzzaa

Joined: 4/30/2008

I'm a single dad too with full custody of my 15 y/o son. I have found that focusing on him , his education and well being keep me too busy to think about dating. I did see one woman who seemed to have forgotten what responsibilities come with single parenthood and it didn't work out. It's tough I know but keeping my focus on him keeps me busy enough. I know one thing.....any woman that criticizes my son or tells me I am TOO busy for her because of him........will never have a chance with me. As single parents sometimes our dating partners don't know nor need to know all the details of our past regarding the other parent and if they judge us and our children then they're most likely NOT gonna make it a healthy relationship.

Posts: 52

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | 0 | Down
Reply

notreally

Joined: 4/15/2005

Reply to: I'm a single dad too with full custody of my 15 y/o son. I have found that focu...
I agree with your views BUT your a person too not just a parent. make some time for yourself or you may end up resenting you kids!

Posts: 996

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

luvz2smile

Joined: 3/19/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 13

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

Miss.Thai

Joined: 11/19/2008

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

Posts: 16

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -2 | Down
Reply

jimbobo676

Joined: 9/14/2008

Every time i wanna ask a question or say something about my life i feel like im beggin for something. like right now i wanna ask for advice on my two kids im raisin (girl 3,boy 4) especially what to do with girls. i was raised with 3 bros and i only really know how to be a guy. my mom is a cowgirl and really didnt care about looking feminine and plus why would i want to learn that (at least till now) so im totally lost with my daughter and my boy i just know what not to do. i have no ides what i should be doing. im a normal guy with normal wants and desires i just have 2 kids and i cant find the time energy or anyone to try and build something with. shoot id settle for a lot less then a relationship so long as my kids do not get hurt. im 23 and i keep hearin about these girls that would love to date a single father that shows all the love and compassion and commitment to a family that these girls supposedly want but i havent met a single one. why does it gotta be so hard even making friends as a single parent?

Posts: 5

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

wolf513600

Joined: 11/23/2008

Reply to: Every time i wanna ask a question or say something about my life i feel like im...
I think if you just love your kids, be there for them, provide a stable, positive home for them, with consistent rules/discipline, teaching them right from wrong, manners and respect, they will be just fine. Your little girl may seek out a role model, but it doesn't have to be a feminine person. As long as the person or people she looks up to, have positive qualities that she can trust, turn to, ask for advice as she gets older, I think she will be be ok.
As for you finding a girl for you to date, or a relationship, it's tough. I hear you. You being a single parent won't have much free time, energy, or even funds to persue a relationship. I guess it is about priorities. What is most important to you? You can still date, but finding a person of quality, that is up to you. If I were you, I wouldn't settle for less, but that is your choice. I would be cautious about who you bring home to meet your children. If your children are seeking a "mom" figure in the home, it may be confusing to them, and the girl you meet, may be intimidated by the situation. Take it one day at a time, have patience, and seek out someone who has the qualities, that one day, after time and trust develops, you wouldn't mind introducing to your children. Goodluck to you.

Posts: 130

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

WallabiesRus

Joined: 12/23/2008

I can so understand & appreciate what everyone is saying as I too am a single dad.

As for dating.... pretty well given up as only chance I'd have of meeting someone is on the odd occasion he's up his mums during school holidays and what with being of a shy disposition and never having been a socialite, pubs etc are out leaving online as a first step which considering she quizzes him about me and then uses anything she can to have a go legally or otherwise.. isn't easy either.

Good luck to everyone that tries to juggle it into their busy schedule.

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply

wrasslinqueen

Joined: 11/9/2008

The hardest part is finding someone who will accept you and your child. I have met a few great guys on here but I think most of the time some guys just want the physical part. I also think as mothers and father we need to set our standards higher than we do because our kids are involved. My favorite quote is "I would rather be healthy by myself then sick with someone else." Sometimes being alone and getting your life together is the priority and then that person who TRULY respects that will come along.

Posts: 8

Posted 9 years ago
Rate: Up | -1 | Down
Reply
Back to Top
Page: