Home > Forum > Dating > TEACH ME HOW TO DATE I AM 38 AND DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!!
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lucky4u

Joined: 9/25/2008

i AM 38 AND FEEL SO SILLY HOW DO YOU DATE AM I TO OLD WHAT ARE MEN LOOKING FOR? I HAVE BEEN ABUSED I HAVE BEEN USED DON'T WANT TO BE A CRY BABY BUT I WANT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP PLEASE CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME???

Posts: 3

Posted 5 years ago
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uncle matt

Joined: 2/11/2009

Not me. I'm in the same boat as you. I can hang out with female friends, but that pretty much kills dating.

Posts: 10

Posted 5 years ago
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uncle matt

Joined: 2/11/2009

.

Posts: 10

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

I personally don't think dating is that important.


If you can hang out with someone and get along with them, things should just easily flow from there. Don't put so much pressure on the "Dating" aspect of it all.

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Ugh, So Webdate can work fine for a couple hours then go all screwy again?


They're lucky it IS a free site.

Posts: 24442

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muscle_cars_only

Joined: 8/21/2008

Unfortunately,nobody can teach you how to date. We've all learned from our past experiences. Advice - yes people can give you their lessons learned,what you choose listen to is totally up to you. Best thing I can tell you is be yourself,when in conversations be truthful,In the beginning of a relationship-if the question asked is too personal tell them that. Above all listen to those " red flags " that pop up.

@ 38 you're not to old to date by any way,shape,form or fashion.You need to put yourself out there to be on the market. Go out and be yourself, find a Barnes n Noble or Starbucks to hang out in,anywhere but bars. Go MEET A NICE GUY!!!

Posts: 346

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Jillybean

Joined: 8/1/2009

I hear ya...was out of the dating pool myself for a little while and now not sure of the rules it all seems pretty complicated...I think there should a operational manual or something lol

Posts: 28

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mzztatt

Joined: 1/30/2007

only thing today that seems different on an overwhelming majority of people "dating" these days is that seems most people expect sex or want to give it up on the first meeting...seems to be common practise for most people...men and women. Hard to find people to date who aren't looking to get down your pants at the end of the night. And thats fine for whoever wants that but it gets tiresome to be blunt from the get go and having to make sure that is clear that it wont be happening on the date. And even then, they seem to think you will "change your mind"...and some even get upset when you tell them no for the umteenth time. Just makes it frustrating for poeple who are not trying to get sex out of the deal right from the get go.

I also seem to notice people dont seem to really know what they want or if they even truly want a relationship.

Just take it at your pace and in the right time you will cross paths with the right person for you and all will fall into place however it would work for both of you involved.

Posts: 1265

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uncle matt

Joined: 2/11/2009

Reply to: only thing today that seems different on an overwhelming majority of people "da...
Am I in the minority when I say I'm not looking for sex? I want to know someone awhile before that happens. I had one girl who wanted to take me home and she was the same age as my son. Sorry, but I don't hop around like that, and wouldn't want someone who does.

Posts: 10

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Prince Polo

Joined: 8/24/2009

Girl no one can teach you how to date lol get your sexy ass out there and have fun,if your not having fun,change it so you are,that's what dating is lol. Oh yea and by fun I don't mean sex lol.

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mzztatt

Joined: 1/30/2007

Reply to: Am I in the minority when I say I'm not looking for sex? I want to know someone...
ya i ask that to myself and my friends at being a minority/rare breed in the dating world and not just givin it up. Ya i get alot of younger guys all wanting to hook up and i'm like first of all NO...second of all NO! you are my son's age for crying out loud. lol

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Jillybean

Joined: 8/1/2009

Reply to: ya i ask that to myself and my friends at being a minority/rare breed in the d...
ya i ask that to myself and my friends at being a minority/rare breed in the dating world and not just givin it up. 



well at least I don't feel totally alone then...I have a couple men ask me that after first meeting them and I really have to think do I give off the vibe that I would be willing to do that...I like having fun but seriously after the first time we say "hello".

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uncle matt

Joined: 2/11/2009

Reply to: ya i ask that to myself and my friends at being a minority/rare breed in the d...
I'm trying to remember what I used to do on dates. I remember alot of talking, laughing, and what made it a "date" for me was hand holding and being RELAXED. Of course it's been alot of years since then. What made a great first date was wanting and getting a goodnight kiss. Sounds like I belong in the 50s, but thats how I feel. Ya gotta start somewhere.

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mzztatt

Joined: 1/30/2007

Reply to: well at least I don't feel totally alone then...I have a couple men ask me...
ya ive even asked my friends if i unknowingly put off some kind of sex vibe. they tell me no that men are just pigs and all they think about and want is sex, not a relationship...and to hold out for the guy who does and will respect me as and my morals...and vice versa. :)

If i wanted booty call I sure could get it tho...lot's of "ho's" out there lmao!!!

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anonymous1

Joined: 8/15/2008





"i AM 38 AND FEEL SO SILLY HOW DO YOU DATE AM I TO OLD WHAT ARE MEN LOOKING FOR? I HAVE BEEN ABUSED I HAVE BEEN USED DON'T WANT TO BE A CRY BABY BUT I WANT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP PLEASE CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME???"





Don't worry about being too old.

Don't worry about anything you can't control.

Don't worry about anything you can't change.



If you allow yourself to be concerned about those things, you will be abusing yourself, and maybe setting yourself up to be abused more.

If you let those things affect your judgement of how you should be treated, it will be harder to have a Good relationship.



Now, on what you need to be taught.... Be yourself!



If you do anything except be yourself, you will have a hard time finding someone who loves you.

Anybody you who thinks they love you, when your not being yourself... won't really even know you.

You're perfect for some guy, just the way you are; all you have to do is act naturally, and he can find you.



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uncle matt

Joined: 2/11/2009

Reply to: "i AM 38 AND FEEL SO SILLY HOW DO YOU DATE AM I TO OLD WHAT ARE MEN LOOKING ...
Well put.

Posts: 10

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Jillybean

Joined: 8/1/2009

Reply to: ya ive even asked my friends if i unknowingly put off some kind of sex vibe. t...
yea I have a friend who believes in the "friends with benefits" thing....at first I had no idea what she meant...then when she explained it I realized it was just a booty call for her.

I don't understand how she does it without getting emotionally involved but somehow it works for her.

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muscle_cars_only

Joined: 8/21/2008

Well, Lucky4u - Have you gone out and exposed yourself yet? If so how did it go?If not get your butt out there! ;P

Posts: 346

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jason_rowl

Joined: 9/9/2009

never to old to date just get out there !

Posts: 27

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SteveNParkville

Joined: 1/7/2009

i AM 38 AND FEEL SO SILLY HOW DO YOU DATE AM I TO OLD WHAT ARE MEN LOOKING FOR? I HAVE BEEN ABUSED I HAVE BEEN USED DON'T WANT TO BE A CRY  BABY BUT I WANT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP PLEASE CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME???

Who cares what men are looking for, be yourself never be what someone else is looking for! Try to find some things that interest you or that you have been wanting to do and have some fun. I guarantee at the very least you will have fun, make friends, expand your social network and maybe in time meet someone who is interested in you and shares similar interests and beliefs.

Posts: 1193

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Taylor!!

Joined: 8/9/2009

Reply to: Who cares what men are looking for, be yourself never be what someone else is l...
It does not take a Rocket Scientist to figure out how to date!

Posts: 303

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Jillybean

Joined: 8/1/2009

Reply to: Who cares what men are looking for, be yourself never be what someone else is l...
That is some good advice...

Posts: 28

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LoveShowOffs

Joined: 8/9/2009

THE PROBLEM IS OFTEN AGREEING ON THE TIME AND PLACE TO MEET FOR THE DATE...

JULIE SAYS, "YES, Alex, WE MUST GET TOGETHER SOON...HOW ABOUT SOMETIME NEXT WEEK"...WIDE OPEN...HAVE TO GO THROUGH A SERIES OF PHONE CALLS TO ARRANGE THE SPECIFIC MEETING...TIME/PLACE/LOCATION. Calenders fly and each day next week has some possible (but not really tied down) commitment for Alex or July.

THE SALESMAN TRICK :ALTERNATIVE OF CHOICES
HERE'S THE ANSWER TO THE PROBLEM....THE ALTERNATIVE OF CHOICE
(I learned it as a Relator setting times to show houses...it works great!

The basic idea is to tie down the meeting time/place right then and there!

EXAMPLE: JULIE HAS AGREED THAT THE TWO OF YOU SHOULD MEET...MAYBE NEXT WEEK.
"Alex, I'll get back to you" Fat chance she really will get back to you..

When she says "Sometime next week", You immediately present her with a choice of 2 specific date/time/location (both of which are OK for you).

SO, WHEN SHE SAYS "Let's get together some time next week" YOU IMMEDIATELY RELY WITH TWO CHOICES FOR NEXT WEEK!

"Great, Julie, how about luch at the Sheridan at 2:00 next Tuesday Oct. 7"?.

" Or would dinner at Alphonso's be better for you...say on Thursday (Oct9th) at 6:00?"
HE'S GOT HER TRAPPED!

"OK Julie, which will it be? What works best for you, a relaxed lunch next Tuesday, or a gormet dinner on Thursday?"
YOU'VE GOT HER TRAPPED. To avoid embarassment she has to accept one of you two alternatives!
Her only other way out is to offer her own specific alternative..., ("John, I have garden club meeting on Tuesday afternoon...Could we make it lunch on Wednesday instead of Tuesday?..the Sheridan sounds delightful. I look forward to seeing you then")

NOW YOU DATE WITH HER IS CARVED IN GRANITE; CONGRATULATIONS!

Posts: 12

Posted 5 years ago
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LoveShowOffs

Joined: 8/9/2009

THE PROBLEM IS OFTEN AGREEING ON THE TIME AND PLACE TO MEET FOR THE DATE...

JULIE SAYS, "YES, Alex, WE MUST GET TOGETHER SOON...HOW ABOUT SOMETIME NEXT WEEK"...WIDE OPEN...HAVE TO GO THROUGH A SERIES OF PHONE CALLS TO ARRANGE THE SPECIFIC MEETING...TIME/PLACE/LOCATION. Calenders fly and each day next week has some possible (but not really tied down) commitment for Alex or July.

THE SALESMAN TRICK :ALTERNATIVE OF CHOICES
HERE'S THE ANSWER TO THE PROBLEM....THE ALTERNATIVE OF CHOICE
(I learned it as a Relator setting times to show houses...it works great!

The basic idea is to tie down the meeting time/place right then and there!

EXAMPLE: JULIE HAS AGREED THAT THE TWO OF YOU SHOULD MEET...MAYBE NEXT WEEK.
"Alex, I'll get back to you" Fat chance she really will get back to you..

When she says "Sometime next week", You immediately present her with a choice of 2 specific date/time/location (both of which are OK for you).

SO, WHEN SHE SAYS "Let's get together some time next week" YOU IMMEDIATELY RELY WITH TWO CHOICES FOR NEXT WEEK!

"Great, Julie, how about luch at the Sheridan at 2:00 next Tuesday Oct. 7"?.

" Or would dinner at Alphonso's be better for you...say on Thursday (Oct9th) at 6:00?"
HE'S GOT HER TRAPPED!

"OK Julie, which will it be? What works best for you, a relaxed lunch next Tuesday, or a gormet dinner on Thursday?"
YOU'VE GOT HER TRAPPED. To avoid embarassment she has to accept one of you two alternatives!
Her only other way out is to offer her own specific alternative..., ("John, I have garden club meeting on Tuesday afternoon...Could we make it lunch on Wednesday instead of Tuesday?..the Sheridan sounds delightful. I look forward to seeing you then")

NOW YOU DATE WITH HER IS CARVED IN GRANITE; CONGRATULATIONS!

Posts: 12

Posted 5 years ago
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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

You're becoming obnoxious.

Posts: 24442

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