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whatwhat

Joined: 12/28/2008

How many dates, and how many time do you need to hang out with a guy/ or person until you become offical. Are you supposed to wait as a girl until the guy brings it up? What if its months later? Won't you just be wasting your time if nothing is really there. However, if something is there isn't their the possibility that if you bring up the talk the guy was freak out, get scared away and stop talking to?

What do you guys think?

Posts: 5

Posted 9 years ago
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wwcooke

Joined: 10/5/2004

If something is there, you'll both know about it so that should be a given. As for the number of dates, that's for each of you to decide...Why go out with someone you have no attraction to? After a few dates, you'll know if this is someone that is worth getting to know better.
If the guy gets scared away because you feel insecure and want to know where you stand with him, then you've lost nothing. Learn from the experiance and move on.

Posts: 5

Posted 9 years ago
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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

SHOULD -perhaps, but these days nothing is a given -ask!!! Ask them how they feel about exclusivity (which is what I assume you mean by "official") -or any other topic -as many times when one realizes they are not the only one, they hear "well, we had never defined our relationship". So -define it -and don't do anything you don't want to do in an undefined or uncertain relationship.
Many are not dating 'toward' anything these days (such as marriage), so "official" has definitely lost its meaning. I wouldn't try to pin someone down on the first date, but you have a right to know their intentions.

Posts: 321

Posted 9 years ago
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DJTheHopefulRom...

Joined: 9/8/2007

Personally I'm a little leery of anyone who dates multiple people at once even early on. I'd say if you've been out with someone a few times obviously you at least like each other if nothing else so until you find out a reason you shouldn't be together I don't think you date someone else. I have the philosophy that you lay it all out there as far as what your hopes and dreams for the future early on, that way you don't waste each others time if your not on the same page.

Posts: 130

Posted 9 years ago
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The Chino

Joined: 8/26/2005

Personally, I go with the theory that if both partners are exclusive to each other and have no inclinations of dating someone else, then it is mutually understood that both are committed to each other without having to say a word. Continue to enjoy each other's company and when both partners are ready to take it to the next level, at the very least, they know what each other's pros and cons are. Unfortunately, some don't get the point about it and, thus, need to be smacked around with a large trout (old Geocities Chat reference).

Posts: 4750

Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

"I have the philosophy that you lay it all out there as far as what your hopes and dreams for the future early on, that way you don't waste each others time if your not on the same page."

DJ ... perhaps this is one of the reasons why, when you do meet a woman and have a chance to talk with her, that she shys away. I mean dreams and hopes for the future are all well and good, but definitely not "early on". Not trying to be cruel to you DJ, but if a woman starts talking dreams and hopes for the future (and it involves me) I'm on the next bus out of town. Now I don't know how early "early on" is, but in my opinion talking about hopes and dreams for the future should be held for the day you are moving in with her or vis versa.

Posts: 3550

Posted 9 years ago
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DJTheHopefulRom...

Joined: 9/8/2007

Oh no no....I think maybe I didn't express myself well on that one. I'm not talking about having a discussion of two people's futures together with each other......Just conversation about where you feel you want to go in life.....goals basically. In a casual way to see if your on the same page. Even that I'm not not talking about a first date conversation which is usually more basic getting to know you stuff.

I'm in no way a seasoned vet when it comes to dating but I think generally if you've been out with a girl more than a handful of times you at least like each other and have more deep meaningful conversation and not just about hopes for the future.

Posts: 130

Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

Ok DJ ... my bad.

Posts: 3550

Posted 9 years ago
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bob_the_bear

Joined: 1/21/2009

Hook up with DJ -he broke it down and knows what's up :op (just teasing, but he did have an excellent point).
If you are concerned with "official", I assume you date one man at a time toward a meaningful relationship/marriage -(most these days don't realize a relationship should mean something).... so if a man is dating several women at once, he is not sensitive to your (or their) feelings, and is probably not looking for a commitment. If relationships are built on trust, (his)sensitivity to the feelings of another(yours) is essential.
Dating toward marriage is NOT the norm these days, so be careful and be clear.

Posts: 861

Posted 9 years ago
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