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babygirll18

Joined: 9/27/2004

Why is it so hard to find a nice guy? I just want to meet a nice guy who treats me right. I'm not asking for much.

Posts: 84

Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

Hey Babygirl ... we're all over the place, ya' just gotta' find us! Here's a little test you can do ... when you first meet a guy try to make a lot of direct eye contact. It he is uncomfortable with that you might want to beware. If he isn't willing to look you in the eye, how willing will he be to look you in the heart?

Of course that is not a fail proof test, some guys are just shy at first. But after the shyness fades he should be willing, in fact eager, to meet you eye to eye. After all, they are the windows to the soul as some poets have said. Good luck with your search.

By the way, you are a real cutie ... wish I was 35
years younger!

Posts: 3550

Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

On second thought, I'm glad I'm 63! I'm getting to that age where I can be a dirty old man and young women will say, "Oh how cute that dirty old man is!" Little do they know heh heh heh

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Posted 9 years ago
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SteveNParkville

Joined: 1/7/2009

Babygirl I wish I had a better answer but as a guy I ask myself the same question about meeting a nice woman. Seems like it should be easier but clearly its not. I just hold on to the belief that when I do meet that "special someone" that the passion, excitement and wonder of it all will make all this algae eating worthwhile.

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verdiclelimit

Joined: 1/26/2009

Reply to: Babygirl I wish I had a better answer but as a guy I ask myself the same questi...
good question but where the f is all the nice girls?, nice guys... hmmm maybe try church lol nah jk, i know that in the army there are alot of us that are nice might wanna try there and sadly enough your wont be approached by nice guys they respect boundaries are prob have a fear of rejection so if you want a nice guy your gonna have to put in the work and go for them first

Posts: 3

Posted 9 years ago
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morningperson

Joined: 6/29/2004

Nice guys are typically shy and are intimidated by a beautiful woman like yourself. Talk to everyone and make friends, see where things go from there. If someone e-mails you with a " hey sexy" " wanna F" and only wants to see you naked they are not a nice guy. good luck, they are out there hon.

Posts: 212

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Here is what happened to one guy...I found this posted on another site and after I read it,I can sorta see how some guys that really are nice have just plain given up.



What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize - one day - that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys’ stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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hoagsie

Joined: 1/15/2009

Reply to: Here is what happened to one guy...I found this posted on another site and afte...
Amen, Kajun.

Posts: 89

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morningperson

Joined: 6/29/2004

Reply to: Here is what happened to one guy...I found this posted on another site and afte...
very true.

Posts: 212

Posted 9 years ago
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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

It also goes both ways.

Posts: 24442

Posted 9 years ago
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morningperson

Joined: 6/29/2004

Reply to: It also goes both ways.
sure does cb. very true!

Posts: 212

Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

Can I hear an A-men brothers and sisters! Ooops, wrong thread! I totally agree, and it definitely goes both ways. Thanks for sharing that with us Kajun!

Posts: 3550

Posted 9 years ago
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DJTheHopefulRom...

Joined: 9/8/2007

I'm right here babygirl LOL........I think the other posters summed it up. Guy's like me just have a hell of a time just going up to a girl and striking up a conversation. We tend to have the right words but just can't get them out. I cannot fathom any available hetero male that wouldn't want to talk to you so definitely scope out a nice guy (I'd avoid the bar/club scene) and strike up a conversation.

Probably a bookstore like a Borders or Barnes and Noble is actually a good place you might meet someone nice and interesting. Another thing looking at your profile and although I understand everyone wants a pic including myself.... you being a very beautiful girl I know I have a gut reaction (which isn't necessarily always correct) that the person is expecting someone perfect looking in the pic. So a guy like me may not bother.

I know because for a long while I didn't have a picture up and once they saw my myspace well that was the end of the interest. You seem like a sweet girl and I can imagine in a way it sucks because that's all some people are able to see. I'd add whatever hobbies you happen to enjoy in your profile as well...that could help get more sincere replies.

Posts: 130

Posted 9 years ago
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SteveNParkville

Joined: 1/7/2009

Reply to: Here is what happened to one guy...I found this posted on another site and afte...
Amen, there are times that I think that I should become "A Recovering Nice Guy" maybe that would make life simpler and frankly less painful. Being the dweeb that I am I equate to Luke Skywalker being called to use the Dark Side of the Force. I cant shake the feeling that losing who you are will always leave you a loser no matter what the reward.

Posts: 1193

Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

If you give up who you are, you are lost.

Posts: 3550

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AlchiesANTONYMS

Joined: 7/24/2008

Reply to: Nice guys are typically shy and are intimidated by a beautiful woman like yours...
THAT WAS THEE MOST DOWN RIGHT HONEST AND TRUE THING IVE EVER HEARD! THAT DOES SUM IT UP FOR YOU WOMEN OUT THERE THAT WOUNDER THAT.IT DEFF GOES BOTH WAYS,,BUT MOST OF THE TIME WHEN U GIVE THAT "NICE GUY/NICE GIRL" THE CHANCE THEY BECOME WAY TO CLINGY AND WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AT 24/7, GET JEALOUS WHEN U EVEN SAY HI TO ANOTHER PERSON IN A CHAT ROOM FFS.. MY POINT IS... IS THAT MOST OF THOSE NICE GUYS/GIRLS ARE TO CLINGY AND DOWN THE ROAD THE CONTROLING THING DOES START,,YOU NEED SOMEONE YOU CAN JOKE WITH ,,GIVES YOU YOUR SPACE WHEN U WANT IT, AND VISE VERSA.. CALLING 7 TO 8 TIMES A DAY IS JUST ADOWN RIGHT OBSESSIVE AND CONTROLLING OR THEY ARE WAY CLINGY.

AND IF YOU LIKE THAT KINDA RELATIONSHIP THEN BY ALL MEANS FIND A NICE GUY, THIS IS WHY 70% OF MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT WORK,IS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GOOD AT FIRST.. BUT THEN THE COUPLE START PICKING ON THINGS THAT TURN THEM OFF PERSAY AND OR THINGS THEY JUST DONT LIKE BOUT THE OTHER PERSON AND GO WITH THOSE THINGS RATHER THAN THE THINGS THAT MAKE THEM ATTRACTED TO ONE ANOTHER.

BUT IF YOU CAN FIND A TALL DARK HANDSOME MAN WITH ALOT OF MONEY AND VALUABLES WITH HIM BEING AN ASSHOLE AND HAVING EMOTIONS AND A SENSE OF INTELLECT THEN YOUVE FOUND A ONE OF A KIND,,AND ALSO IF YOU HAVE FOUND THAT NICE GUY THAT HOLDS THE DOOR OPEN FOR YOU , MAKES YOU BREAKFAST IN BED, FULFILLS YOUR EVERY NEED, AND IS ALSO NOT A CLINGY,NEEDY,CONTROLLING PERSON THAN YOU HAVE ALSO FOUND A ONE OF A KIND.

ALL IM TRYING TO SAY IS THAT IF YOUR LOOKING FOR THAT PERFECT PERSON FOR YOU,,STOP WASTING YOUR TIME. GRAB THE BEST PERSON YOU KNOW OR GO MEET SOME NEW PEOPLE,GET TO KNOW THEM,CONCENTRATE ON THE THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT THEM AND THAT KEEPS YOU "TUNED IN" ON THE PERSON AND TRY TO WORK WITH THE THINGS THAT YOU SEEM NOT TO LIKE SO MUCH,# 1 IS TRUST AND TO AVOID ALL CONFRONTATIONS.. PEOPLE JUST NEED TO GET SOME COMMON SENSE.LOL

GET OFF THE INTERNET AND ACTUALLY LOOK!!

Posts: 3

Posted 9 years ago
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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

That's why I say make the institution of marriage illegal, or at the very least, make the marriage license renewable like a driver license.
BTW Alcaholics ... I think you're caps lock key is stuck.

Posts: 3550

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babygirll18

Joined: 9/27/2004

Reply to: THAT WAS THEE MOST DOWN RIGHT HONEST AND TRUE THING IVE EVER HEARD! THAT DOES S...
LOL I agree with the clingy thing... Anyway I'm not tryin to meet only guys off the internet... I was just askin WHYYYYY is it soooooooooooo hard to meet a decent guy? Thats it thats all

Posts: 84

Posted 9 years ago
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beautifulblues

Joined: 1/21/2009

Reply to: That's why I say make the institution of marriage illegal, or at the very least...
I'm all for a renewable marriage license!

Posts: 24

Posted 9 years ago
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AlchiesANTONYMS

Joined: 7/24/2008

Reply to: LOL I agree with the clingy thing... Anyway I'm not tryin to meet only guys off...
im not saying anything about anyone in particular, but the kind of ppl you attract is how you put yourself out there and represent yourself.. for some reason nice guys love a woman that isnt all to affectionate,but also doesnt have to grab you and pull you close to him.. now im only speaking for myself..ut i like a woman that will come sit right next to me and burry her head in my chest,,or lay back and kick her feet up on me,,ya know free willing and minded.

i dont think ppl realize that when most ppl are together for a long period of time ,they tend not to have the chance to miss them,and i think not being together all the time, and having some space and time to our selves as a couple, gives us that need and want to be closer to eachother,,and i read this other line on a different forum. this woman had said, " i dont know what to do, i was looking through my boy friends phone and i saw that he had been texting his ex girlfriend and tell her he misses her and she tells him the same."

i come to think that if you feel the need and are not 100% trusting in the person you should not be with him,give it a break..

and another thing ive noticed is ALOT of women.some men,,but mostly women, often bring there past relationships trust issues and emotional problems into a new relationship which if they still carry that grudge with all men, than they should not be in a relationship until they are 100% ready.. and if they have the doubt of his honesty then they shouldnt be with the person. i feel when starting a new relationship i give that person 100% of everything i have! as long as you dont turn out to be the extreme jealous type and listen to what other say without confronting the person upfront bout it,and if you know for sure they are cheating and you confront them and if they lie about it,,can their ass!

there are alot of good guys out there,,just hard to spot behind all the fake assholes! but like i said,, its all how you represent yourself and put yourself out there..

and for the marriage thing! im wayy against marriage for the simple fact its a just a contract basically saying that if you get a divorce ,one of you two are screwed! and why does everyone think you need a peice of paper and some expensive rings to tell someone you love them and you will always be faithful,, when more than most things dont last forever and when they go to hell,i wouldnt wanna be paying for it physically,emotionaly and socially after just departing from that person.., marriage is just a bunch of bologna,,but hey thats just my opinion,and i just wanted to make at least one person think bout it,,i think ppl are normally happier not married anywho..

but instead of going for that guy everyone else is,the one that seems to be the center of attention,,go for the lost oul sitting on the side line.



Posts: 3

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: im not saying anything about anyone in particular, but the kind of ppl you attr...
AL,I think the reason women bring the last trust issues into a new relationship is that they don't want what ended the relationship to happen again. I got divorced because my ex drank too much and I sure as hell aint going thru that again.
I do agree with you 100 percent on having time away from your partner,your right,HOW can you miss someone who is there 24/7's? I don't like clingy people who think they can't take a crap without me being there. AND I surely don't want them there everytime I'm taking a crap either!

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: im not saying anything about anyone in particular, but the kind of ppl you attr...
Does anyone know why some posts post two times? Does that mean it was an extra good post?

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Nope, just means you clicked " Looks good" twice.

Posts: 24442

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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

Either the click twice thingie, or we are inside one hellofa huge cave and the echos are enormous.

Posts: 3550

Posted 9 years ago
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AlchiesANTONYMS

Joined: 7/24/2008

Reply to: AL,I think the reason women bring the last trust issues into a new relationship...
well bring the trust issues into only pushes ppl away,honestly,,gotta give the person a chance,i know i give my all in a new relationship everyone should,, and drinkin to much is not a trust issues,,if the guy drinks to much its obvious and dont date him,,its not a trust thing ,if he drinks to much he drinks to much,,im saying when u meet a nice guy they always get stiffed because they are good ppl,, and they get the shaft cuz the other person thinks htat they are just going to get played,because of past shit,if you arent willing to give a new relationship ur all u shouldnt be in it.

Posts: 3

Posted 9 years ago
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