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skybluiis

Joined: 9/14/2004

Ok so I met this guy 4 months ago, he is GREAT!! We started off with a first date a week after we met and things seemed to be headed toward the "getting to know" eachother phase. Calls, texts spending entire weekends together and so on. The "I like you's" started and then a first "very wonderful" kiss a few weeks later. One month after meeting we get to talking and he tells me he likes me a lot but he is unsure where things will go between us cause he was so burned by his last g/f, (over a year ago). I take that into consideration and move along thinking he just needs someone to understand him and be very patient which is fine with me. We continue along the weeks roll by and still spending time together and just having fun. At one point we agree that we are only "seeing" each other no one else. At 3 months I start getting anxious as I start to REALLY like this guy and want to know what our "status" is and he throws me a curve ball and says "Friends with benefits". I let him know that upsets me...Now what? His words don't match his actions, he tells me he wants to be with me and shows it too, he isn't seeing anyone else thats plainly obvious but I'm sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop thnking that I"m just a "filler". I've tried walking away from him thinking that I"m not what he wants and he gets upset and pulls me back???? I'm gettng mixed signals here and I don't know what to do.

Posts: 5

Posted 9 years ago
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mrlickonya

Joined: 1/6/2008

i think you need to be honest with him and yourself. talk to him and be straight to the point on what it is you seek from this relationship. strong relationships take time to build, things like trust, communication and understanding are the key. just follow your heart on decision making and it will steer your happiness into first place!

Posts: 10

Posted 9 years ago
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bobbyshocks55

Joined: 11/7/2008

how are you my name is Bobby i'm 21 m alabama i'm single

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
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NiccVarner

Joined: 11/21/2008

Ok, So sometimes he seems sure he wants to be with you and sometimes he doesn't. When he doesn't he says it's because of his ex. Well, it's just what it sounds. Well i know for a fact he likes you. I can tell that, because won't no guy stick around that long if he had no interest. Now what i'm guessing is when he is sitting there without you and reminds himself of his ex he loved so much he seems unsure he want's to let go. But when he is with you he knows he wants you. The problem there is your not there with him 24/7 and you can't be so he has time to remember the good times with his ex without you there to remind him how much he likes you. All I can say is he likes you alot. Just stick in there. Make sure he doesn't make contact with his ex and eventually he will get over her, & you will be all he thinks about. Hope this makes sense and helps. NiccVarner

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
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Maryhowcouldugo

Joined: 11/2/2008

K...this is called the "crutch" phase. He's using you as one. "He's just not that into you"...please don't take offense, but there is something you did that totally turned him off to a relationship. It happens and he'll never tell you what it is...sorry you're going thru this though.

Posts: 44

Posted 9 years ago
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tenx9

Joined: 2/19/2004

since your 41 and I'm hoping this guy is your age or older. If he's a young guy and make that a much younger guy then your looking for trouble if you want a serious relationship. If he is your age, then when you started asking about "status", thats where it went wrong. Men, and I'm included don't jump into serious relationship quickly (3 months is super quick) no matter who yu are, especially after a breakup, divorce....etc. We can be very happy with 1 women (if the guy is older, of course) as long as theres no relationship police around. And that doesn't mean we're weasel dealing you looking for someone else. Stree free, fun, relatonships. When drama starts we're gone.

Posts: 5

Posted 9 years ago
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40andsingle

Joined: 12/2/2007

.............................. .............

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
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nice_guy_4_u

Joined: 9/11/2008

idk treat him how he is treating you an if he care about you like you care about him he will hurt an wanna talk call him 4 a nut an then ask him to leave right after no talking no kiss just tell him to leave

Posts: 20

Posted 9 years ago
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kyle69

Joined: 9/21/2004

My opinion: He is interested in you, just there is still something that is keeping him from committing.

Guys will say almost anything in the heat of the moment to keep you around (agreeing that you are exclusively seeing each other) - especially during the crush phase when the emotions are doing the talking. At that point he is able to ignore what is bothering him from the past.

Now that he is calling you "Friends with benefits" leads me to believe that he is either still bothered by something in the past still and can't commit... or (not to sound cruel) is just comfortable with you and doesn't want to change anything.

I think I agree with some of the comments, you need to confront him, tell him what your feeling like and lay out the options... and if he can't agree, he's not worth keeping around because it will only end badly down the road. Just keep in mind to make sure he's not just feeding you want you want to hear again... make sure he's real about what he chooses.

My 2 cents :c)

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
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blackdic9

Joined: 1/23/2005

hate to break it to u but u would be surpised the lengths and man would go to get some ass, a man would say anything and do anythng to get at u,not saying he doesnt really like u but u may have to look at the fact that he may have a main woman in his life and he just needs u to fillin his needs that maybe his main woman cant fill, but i do believe he likes u i just think he cant bring him self to commit 100% to u right now

Posts: 20

Posted 9 years ago
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skybluiis

Joined: 9/14/2004

Well another curve ball has been tossed out there. So I took into consideration all of your great advice on here "THANK YOU EVERYONE" and I do believe that some of you are correct. This past weekend was a HUGE eye opener. SO...to start I got invited over on Friday and we hung out as usual, saturday night we went out for a pizza and got to talkin and he told me the thought a girl who is a mutual acquaintence of ours was "cute". With that being said I asked him if he'd as her out and he said "yes" so I told him good but if he did ask her out I would expect that he could loose my number and never call me again. He was appauled by that and asked me why? I didn't respond cause my ears were on fire....he then said "What? You wouldn't want to be my friend still if I asked someone else out?" I was so UPSET he asked again " Ok so if I met a girl you wouldn't be my friend?" I abruptly said "NO" and then I looked him dead in the eyes and said "You did meet a girl, 4 months ago, what am I chopped liver?" He totally didn't know where to go or what to say and at that point I was VERY upset. We walked out of the restaurant and he put his arm around me and told me to chill out it wasn't "like that". I waited till I could feel the rush of blood leave my ears from being so upset and then I looked at him and said "I'm sorry I reacted that way however you telling me that you'd ask someone else out to my face upset me, why? Because unlike yourself I like you more than a friend" He looked me dead in the eyes again and said "I know, and you have nothing to worry about, I'm not looking" SO WTF? This is what I"m talking about when it comes to mixed singals. Is he trying to feel me out to see my jealousy streak? What it the deal? Does he like me or not?

Posts: 5

Posted 9 years ago
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wickedblueglow

Joined: 1/15/2008

I agree with the majority - read the book - cuz that is the underlying theme here...He's just not that into you - I'm sorry luv; this is the worst kind of rejection - becuz he is giving u positive reinforcement; keeping you coming back for more...cut your loses and look for the REAL one - you deserve it ;)

Posts: 6

Posted 9 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

If that is the way it is going so early in the relationship,can you imagine what it will be like later?? Might not be worth the effort.

Posts: 6567

Posted 9 years ago
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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

He's playing you. Quit letting him.

Posts: 24442

Posted 9 years ago
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mountainqueen

Joined: 4/22/2004

Unfortunately, it is men like that who gave the name "Dogs" to the entire male gender, even though there are some great guys out there! We, as females, just have to keep our "loser" and "player" radars tuned up and working.

Posts: 10

Posted 9 years ago
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blueboy6

Joined: 12/18/2005

He thinks he is Prince Charming. This man maybe you think is Prince Charming has really turned out to be Prince Clod.

Posts: 2

Posted 9 years ago
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canihavataste

Joined: 1/14/2009

SWEETY WALKING AWAY HURTS ESPECIALLY WITH FEELING INVOLVED BUT IF YOU CONTINUE THEN YOUR JUST HURTING YOURSELF FOR ALLOWING IT TO GO ON. YOUR NOT A FILLER BUT YOU ARE HIS SECURITY BLANKET, HE HAS HIS EYES AND HEART SET ON SOMEONE ELSE, HE'S GONNA KEEP STRINGING YOU ALONG UNTIL HE KNOWS FOR SURE THAT HIS CRUSH IS THE REAL THING. I WENT THRU THE SAME THING BUT I GOT SMART AND WALKED AWAY IT HURT YES IT DID BUT HAD I STAYED I'D BE ONLY HURTING MYSELF. I LOVE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE AND WILL NOT ALLOW SOMEONE TO HURT ME AGAIN. THIS OTHER PERSON THAT YOU BELIEVE IS NOT THERE IS ACTUALLY REAL. DO SOME DETECTIVE WORK AND SHINE SOME LIGHT ON WHAT HE'S DOING IN THE DARK IT WILL COME TO LIGHT


R.B

Posts: 1

Posted 9 years ago
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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

You set the boundaries. You make the rules. If he just wants to be fiends with benefits, but you want more, deny him the benefits and see what happens -if he goes away he wasn't a friend at all. Don't compromise yourself. It is possible he is sincerely afraid to get too invoved, but that's not your fault. "Friends with benefits" literally translates to sex without responsibility -and often without real intimacy.

Wait a minute -just read your other post -dump him -now.

Some people will mess with your mind for fun -not sure if this is the case, but possibly -even so, the dude is uncaring and insensitive.

Posts: 321

Posted 9 years ago
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wrasslinqueen

Joined: 11/9/2008

skybluiis - walk away dear. I have just gotten out of the same situation. He is not worth the emotional attachment you have. Be a blessing to yourself more then to him... don't give you up for him:)

Posts: 8

Posted 9 years ago
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