Or you could go with a more 2012 approach... Go to Enterprise and rent a cargo van with a stolen credit card number from the skimmer you kids use at the lotto counter at this hot spot meat market you work at (ie grocery store). Next rent a sleezy hotel room by the week in an urban section of town. Check out the room first, make sure the Windows don't open. If they do, return with 50 drywall screws and a cordless drill. Secure the window, don't leave the drill in the room.
Buy a ski mask & duck tape (preferably in her favorite color. Staples has a nice selection. But pay cash and DON'T use your Staples rewards card, it could be traced later, trust me on this one). Next put on the mask & park the van next to her car in the grocery store parking lot. When she comes out from work, throw her in the back and duck tape her mouth first. Take off the mask so
she stops fighting enough for you to bound her arms, then legs. Take her to the hotel room drop her off and leave. Use the remaining drywall screws to secure the door from the outside or place a padlock on it. Pay by the week hotels generally gave fat out of shape desk help glued to a tv that will rarely venture out to notice the added door security you install.
You will have by now grown very nervous and scared about what you have just done. Your first reaction will be to have a drink or tell someone. Fight the urge to do either. You need to keep a clear head. Masturbate. Something tells me your left hand is your BFF anyway.
Return to the hotel the next day and remove the duct tape. Ask her if you can go steady? She should be upset. She may not. If she acts like she enjoys this interesting roll play be on guard. She probably has been up all night thinking of how to kick your candy ass and escape when you returned.
Or on second thought, why not just f_ _ k her best friend, brother or mom? If she gets upset, then you know she likes you.
If she gives you a shot after either of these two fool-proof methods, there is a 99% chance you will knock her up by next Christmas and be broken up before she is 3 months due.
