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dfury90

Joined: 11/11/2008

A question I have been thinking about for a very long time. When I go out and see some attractive female arm in arm with a very unattractive man. I know women will go on and on about how looks are not everything and beauty is only skin deep but lets be real here. I had a friend a while back that was not good looking,wealthy,funny,charming or anything of the such yet he got a very large ammount of attractive females on a regular basis. I get that there are a ton of shallow women out there only looking for money but Im talking about the guys that lack the money,looks or personaliy yet women are attracted to them. It seems like these days the time old imagine of "tall dark and hansome" has turned into short pale and ugly.



Posts: 23

Posted 5 years ago
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DrMollusk

Joined: 11/23/2008

Well that can't be completely right for the fact I'm still single and have been for the longest time. I'm basing your comment on my dorkish likes, but not really what you're talking about.

People are strange, that's something you'll learn in life as you go on. If one likes someone that's not so attractive, then that's cool. I could see in your situation though that maybe these females have gone for the "tall dark and handsome" and have been mistreated, hence why the change in guys.

Posts: 8

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Irie96

Joined: 11/30/2008

Yeah, there are a lot of gold-diggers out there but as you mentioned, there are some women who see past the dorky exterior and find men who are beautiful on the inside.

Some people are attracted to different kinds of people... A few of my friends like the "cool dork" kind of guy who looks like a nerd but is very sweet, funny, outgoing... Basically the kind of man whose looks don't match his appearance.

I had a friend in college who looked EXACTLY like Drew Barrymore and had a lot of attractive men hounding her everywhere she went and she ignored all of them. She had so many experiences with "attractive" guys who used her, treated her badly, and then cheated on her that she went in a different direction and started dating men who are not traditionally seen as "attractive". I asked her why and she explained, "These dorky guys feel so lucky to be with me that they treat me like a princess and will never cheat on me." I understand her reasoning even though I don't agree with it.. I felt badly for the guys who were pulled into a relationship because of her insecurities.

Posts: 181

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*Sugah Sue*

Joined: 5/7/2008

Reply to: Yeah, there are a lot of gold-diggers out there but as you mentioned, there are...
I agree with Irie, Some women do not care about looks anymore probably because they were mistreated by the good looking men and therefor go for not that great lookin men. To me looks doesnt matter, its who the person is and if they can keep up with me. To tell you the truth most HOT guys know their hot shit and only care about themselves, they go around acting like assholes to everyone who isnt beautiful in their eyes. Thats why most women prefer the nerdy guys, because they know how to treat a lady. Nerdy=NICE Ugly=RESPECT

Posts: 4

Posted 5 years ago
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dfury90

Joined: 11/11/2008

Maybe but thats no reason to go and stereo-type good looking guys. You will never catch me out stereo-typing a girl just because she is beautiful. I give every one a fair chance and asume the best if I dont actually know them.

Posts: 23

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jimbobo676

Joined: 9/14/2008

alright i wanna know where yall live cause in my section of the world girls (hot or not) still only go for hot guys. maybe its just my age group (im 23) but i consider my self a dork and certainly not that attractive. i can barely get girls to look at me and the ones that do take a closer look im not attracted to. no i know most of you mite say my standards mite be too high or im just not looking hard enough. all i got to say is bull to that. ive stooped to asking for waitresses numbers and flirting with customers that come in to my work. my friends (disease ridden) sister is wholly unattractive and somedays i consider askin for her number. i ask you how much harder do i gotta look? but neways i wanna know where yall are at so i mite get a date there cause all these so called hot dudes are takin all the girls here.

Posts: 5

Posted 5 years ago
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dfury90

Joined: 11/11/2008

Reply to: alright i wanna know where yall live cause in my section of the world girls (ho...
Maybe its just where your at then. But seriously where Im at I have seen guys alot less good looking than you with some very attractive girls. Things are just completely backwards where I love,its like the fucking twilight zone.

Posts: 23

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mskiwi82

Joined: 7/9/2008

Well to be honest, just because you see a good looking girl out with a less than ideal guy does not mean they are "together". I can't speak for all women but I can speak on personal experiences. I have a few male friends that I would never considering being with in a sexual way but I enjoy our time together, and I adore the attention I get from them. It sounds mean but sometimes women just want attention. Where better to get it than from someone who know you are out of their league.

Posts: 30

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SteveNParkville

Joined: 1/7/2009

I do not consider myself attractive by any stretch of the imagination but dated attractive women when I was younger and was married to one for some time. I First off your assuming that attractive women are not smart enough to see past "looks" big mistake. Many of these women are not "shallow" as you put it rather they would prefer to be with someone who can stimulate them in more than one way. I have met and had some very deep and profound conversations with very attractive women. I have also met some that are not able to converse in that way and to me they were not "attractive" despite the fact they looked nice (a damn site nicer than me). Very few people who enter into a long term relationship will tell you the #1 reason they are with a guy is looks. Security, sincerity, kindness, compassion, honesty and a lack of narcissism help also. In the end attraction does have a visual aspect but there has to be more to sustain it.

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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

Because Dorks do their homework and find out what truly pleases women. Throwing on a Dork costume just won't do it -so don't even think about it -you gotta pay your dues! :op
(not a girl, but thought that'd be funny)

Posts: 321

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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

I been thinking about this and thought I would say that maybe a girl judges the looks of a guy diffrent than how a guy would judge the looks of another guy.Even women don't agree on which guys look hot and which aren't as appealing.I have a friend that has totally diffrent taste than me.

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A little less t...

Joined: 8/25/2008

well maybe more people are finally acknowledging that it's what's on the inside of a person that is more important ( the way it really should be) instead of them just focussing or wanting someone for there outer looks. yes there has to be an attraction, but beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and in many area's. you stated that "there are a ton of shallow women out there only looking for money but Im talking about the guys that lack the money,looks or personality yet women are attracted to them"" .......maybe you need to stop and acknowledge that what you think of another males look's personality,or charitor, what he has or doesn't have is not the way he is with a female or the female is not just interested in his wallet not all women out there are gold diggers including myself.and btw female's are not the only golddiggers in this world there are plenty of males that are golddiggers as well ...as people mature they seem to acknowledge why their relationships always seem to fail! because they focused more on ones outer beauty and date them for that reason or for a so called arm band to show off to other's.if you took the time to acknowledge that the people who focus more on ones outer beauty and date them for that reason and that reason only, their relationship doesn't seem to last a long time, either the person is to bitchy, high maintenance, becomes jealous, can't be pleased or doesn't bring much happiness in the realonship. then take the time to acknowledge the people who date a person for who they are not just what they have or look like . you will see that their relationship usually pans out because what they were seeking >happiness fulfillment genuine love and a partner in there life is being fulfilled.. as the saying go's one can be the most gorgeous looking person on the outside but if their inner are ugly then they are ugly!!!!!! doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why it didnt.the outer beauty of a person changes with age for males and females and as long as one is genuinely in love with that person they will always be beautiful in their partners eyes!
so more people need to focus on the inside of a person for who they are not just their outer shell that is iffffffffffff they are seeking happiness fulfillment and a partner in there life. instead of ones outer shell or a so called arm band to show off to other's.

Posts: 321

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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

I was being a bit sarcastic in my last response, but many women who would be considered very attractive by most men actually have great difficulty finding a date! To many men, they seem unapproachable. I'm not sure how much this affects which men they end up dating, but I would imagine your friend took the intiative and asked them out -something most men would hesitate to do. This may sound obvious, but women won't date you unless you ask them to -or they ask you. The chances of one particular woman asking you out are less than one saying yes when you ask her out. You said he "got" many attractive women on a regular basis. He may just know how to play the numbers game and found a sweet spot in the market -and, sadly, that is how many view dating.
The modern version of tall/dark/handsome has been described best as (imo) silk and steel -a man who is both strong and sensitive... The focus on physique has led many men (and women) to neglect their character. A nice-looking empty package is disappointing -good looks are great (though I think people should be honest with themselves about what they personally find attractive -rather than being told by the media), but knowledge, insight, creativity, empathy, concern, and many other non-physical things make a relationship much better.

Posts: 321

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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

I've been on the planet for 63 years and have dated, made love, had sex, married ... I've done it all. The one true thing I have learned that transcends men, women, all races and ethnic backgrounds is this "the best thing you can ever do for someone else is to be yourself." There are people in this world who will like you for who you are and those who won't. The key to happiness is the understanding that YOU have no control over who will or won't like you. All of us are the product of our parents, education, friends and life experiences. If we come to the understanding that we can no more change another person into who we want them to be than we can stop the rotation of the earth then we will come to inner peace.
Be happy with yourself, accept or reject others for who they are. Look at unreturned love as a precious memory of the love your own heart was able to give to another and move on. It is cliche but true: the more love you give, the move love you have to give.

Posts: 3550

Posted 5 years ago
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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Reply to: I've been on the planet for 63 years and have dated, made love, had sex, marrie...
WOW! That was like the best quote I ever read in this forum!! And SO VERY TRUE!! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts...I have just about done it all myself and I used to worry SO MUCH about what others thought,and I come to realize that all that really matters is the people in my life.There were so many times that I should have told myself ..If they dont like me for me,its there loss..Everyone has faults and you have to accept it or NOT..I also think this is a good thing to write at this time: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away"
Why waste time on the small stuff? Why waste time worring about things you cant change? Thanks again for the post!

I've been on the planet for 63 years and have dated, made love, had sex, married ... I've done it all. The one true thing I have learned that transcends men, women, all races and ethnic backgrounds is this "the best thing you can ever do for someone else is to be yourself." There are people in this world who will like you for who you are and those who won't. The key to happiness is the understanding that YOU have no control over who will or won't like you. All of us are the product of our parents, education, friends and life experiences. If we come to the understanding that we can no more change another person into who we want them to be than we can stop the rotation of the earth then we will come to inner peace.Be happy with yourself, accept or reject others for who they are. Look at unreturned love as a precious memory of the love your own heart was able to give to another and move on. It is cliche but true: the more love you give, the move love you have to give.

Posts: 6567

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Blakwulf

Joined: 12/28/2008

 alright i wanna know where yall live cause in my section of the world girls (hot or not) still only go for hot guys.
Perhaps by "hot" you mean sexy/cute, but as far as I know hot=desirable, and I am sure some girls out there would love to spend one tenth of Bill Gates' money.

Totally agree with the quote just above however, and not only because I just made 3 similar replies to it on the subject of be honest, being yourself, and hoping that you allow others to be themselves.

Posts: 233

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DJTheHopefulRom...

Joined: 9/8/2007

To the original poster where the hell do you you live dude LOL......I''l trade places with you. Ideally looks shouldn't be important but I've never come across anyone like that....except as you said in the case of money. I think even some women who are less shallow just have the same feelings about that.

Good example and I'm not saying I'm ugly but I certainly don't posses the ideal look. This past week I got a response on another site from my ad.......we chatted three days and talked in depth about ourselves and what we were seeking.......it was an instant connection. Neither of us drank or smoked, we shared the same hobbies, and in a few short days it even got romantic. until day 4 when we exchanged pictures and the following day her responses seemed distant and uninterested......I finally asked and she just gave me the your not what I'm looking for line.............so sadly at the end of the day you can be a decent guy and share alot in common with a girl but if you don't have the look your done for........wish it wasn't true but it is especially in my age range.

Posts: 130

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KoolDudeNberlin

Joined: 6/4/2010

original poster, no offense, but you are a dork... so what's the problem?

whining about this type of stuff isnt certainly going to gain you many female fans... because you dont know how to get 'em, you go around jealous and insecure about the guys who do....

its a common thing that many people have a delusional sense of self worth and dont realize how you are truly and really perceived.... wake up!

Posts: 707

Posted 4 years ago
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cutiepie007

Joined: 3/25/2009

Maybe those unattractive 'dorks' have something you don't - substance/intelligence and respect, both self and to others. Most good looking guys treat women like shit, because they know there is a que of other shallow women waiting in their midst. Women do the whole 'hot' men thing and get tired of the self-absorbed bullshit and start to look beyond the money/looks thing. I personally have always carried men financially and that gets tiring too. What women want is just a great guy who will love and respect them, irrespective of money or looks.

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KoolDudeNberlin

Joined: 6/4/2010

this is all rubbish... women dont know what they want... not because they are confused or indecisive (well, they are that at times too)... but its because of their DNA/Instinct vs. Contemporary cultural trends....

What sexually excites and attracts is very well the same thing that also intimidates and makes a woman take caution. doesnt mean that 100 from 100 times it will result that way, but its most like the norm.

It's my theory that the orginal poster isnt perceiving these guys for who they really are.... he is just so jealous, bitter and competitive that he doesnt understand most of these "dorks" outgun him in personality, character AND appearance... he is too self absorbed to realize it. I find it rather sad how he keeps mentioning how good looking guys have it tough ... seriously... like he would know... (dude is chubby and has that stupid unstylish pencil thin beard accentuating his double chin, but claims he's muscular and athletic...errrright!)

LOL.... truth is: good looking people have it very easy in this world... no debate!

as many guys who think they are better than others complain about "hot women going out with losers" (shows you their focus and shallowness: i.e.,"hot women") there are as many "nice guys/dorks" complaining about how women only like jerks.... oh stop the whining and learn something about being a man.

Posts: 707

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SunnyJ

Joined: 1/31/2010

Because they have substance and know what they're looking for.

Posts: 34

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cutiepie007

Joined: 3/25/2009

Reply to: this is all rubbish... women dont know what they want... not because they are c...
Woman don't know what they want???
That is SUCH a biased judgemental thing to say! Substantiate precisely why/how you have come to that conclusion....

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Posted 4 years ago
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KoolDudeNberlin

Joined: 6/4/2010

Woman don't know what they want???
That is SUCH a biased judgemental thing to say! Substantiate precisely why/how you have come to that conclusion....


how much time do you have? where shall we start in this all too common malady?

my substantiation would most likely be my extensive dating experience...

do yourself a favor and try not to take one sentence out of the entire context...READ and comprehend every everything clearly.

Posts: 707

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cutiepie007

Joined: 3/25/2009

Reply to: how much time do you have? where shall we start in this all too common malady?...
I did :)
do you have any idea how many times I have heard a guy say:
'but I don't know what I want!'
that's why I scratched my head when I read that! Many women know EXACTLY what they want! You probably just haven't found them yet...

Posts: 3082

Posted 4 years ago
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KoolDudeNberlin

Joined: 6/4/2010

I did :)
do you have any idea how many times I have heard a guy say:
'but I don't know what I want!'
that's why I scratched my head when I read that! Many women know EXACTLY what they want! You probably just haven't found them yet...


oh, trust me.. found many of them... I just dont want the same thing ;-)....

and I am sure there are plenty of guys out there that are in the same boat... having no clue

if you truly know yourself, most likely you will know exactly everything you want out of life.

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Posted 4 years ago
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