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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

Hello all, this is for women and men as well. I have been going to a local bar in the area where I live. For all of my life, I've had a hard time trying to break the ice to a woman (espically to a VERY attractive woman). I know you don't use any of the silly pickup lines (and I'm not really looking for a one-night stand, anyway), but how do you break the ice to a woman? Mabye I'm not going to get anywhere, but I'd like to know that at least I tried to speak to a beautiful woman. Thanks for any and all help.

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Posted 6 years ago
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.!.!.!.!.!.

Joined: 7/23/2008

Compliment her clothes, her shoes, her hat -- anything !!

That always wins for me.

I've had women compliment me for my clothes, resulting in a date soon after.

Not only will you instantly put a smile on her face and make her blush, but she will notice you more!

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Posted 6 years ago
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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

Thanks, any more advice would be grealy appreciated. As for the shoes part, I had heard that you really shouldn't compliment them on their shoes, something about foot fetishes and stuff like that (not that there's anything wrong with that! IMO, it's always nice to see a woman as a whole; not just parts and pieces). I've just always had a tough time of trying to get up the courage to talk to a woman. Should I buy her a drink? Is that a good idea? Would that help?

Compliment her clothes, her shoes, her hat -- anything !!That always wins for me.I've had women compliment me for my clothes, resulting in a date soon after.Not only will you instantly put a smile on her face and make her blush, but she will notice you more!

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Posted 6 years ago
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HEART QUEEN

Joined: 12/9/2008

Yes start buying her drinks and then If there is dancing, Ask here to dance.
Or just make the next move to ask if she'd like some company and is it alright if you join her. Or suggest that she join you depending on the seating. Perhaps she would like to go somewhere else outside of the club.Maybe wait until after you have chatted a while.Get a conversation going and don't break the flow. Complimenting is a good thing. Start asking her about something common in the area where you live. Something from the news, Sports ( to find out if she likes sports) Just be yourself. After you start it isn't so difficult. It's just fear of rejection that holds a person back. Don't forget to ask for her number.

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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

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nighthowl50

Joined: 9/28/2005

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LiveToLove

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SteveNParkville

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nighthowl50

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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

Say "Hello". See how she reacts and if a spontaneous coversation starts -a good sign. If you can't think of anything else -ask her to dance (if it is normal in said establishment).
Realize you are in a bar and everyone is going to be hitting on her if she is that good-looking...
LTL had good advice -be sincere.
Bars aren't normally the best places to find virtuous women (though it's not un-heard-of), but they are great places to have a drink and dance -and if you can sing, bust a rap with the help of the karaoke machine -might cause some gasping and swooning -never know.

My best friend once asked me how to pick up women -I told him... "go against your better judgment"!!!! He was better looking than me -more interesting -more sincere -and even had more attention from females -he just didn't realize he hadn't yet met a compatible person. His uniqueness made it that much more difficult -but that can also make it that much more wonderful.
Many of the women you meet will be incompatible with yourself. It's an ever-more-complex world. Some men make sport of being able to "pull", "land", or "get" any woman they want -and there are effective -yet unscrupulous -methods of doing so -but if you want a good relationship -be patient and wise.
Have fun -don't be too serious -let that take care of itself.

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Posted 6 years ago
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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

I would like to thank everyone for their replies. One of my biggest problems have been I've always been fatally shy. Yes, I know I've got to get out there and try, but it's still hard. I've been proud of myself to even go in there and hang.
Now, there is someone I've picked out. She's very attractive and defintely a very hot dancer on the dance floor. This past Saturday night she sat across from me at one of the other bars. I was trying to start up a conversation with her, but I just couldn't think of things to say. Soon after she was gone to her phone or up from to talk with better looking guys :|.
Soon after, I left. I got a feeling that I shouldn't be there that night and am seriously considering not going back. There are some outside things going on that are probably messing with my mojo (work, etc.) there and I'm thinking that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to go back until I get this outside stuff worked out.
Maybe if I had a wingman; someone who know what he was doing, he could help me out. A lot of the people in there are regulars so if I bomb with any of the women, I'll see them over and over. I live in a small town and this place is probably the best game in town. LOL if I could get my pics up here at this site, I think I could find a g/f here and take her there and we could dance to the slow dances!
This may sound silly, but I need a step-by-step flow chart. I don't know. Women are so different; If a woman asked me out, I would tell her I'd like to get to know her first (am I crazy or something??) before I do. I'm at an age where I want to find that ONE woman and just be with her. Maybe this isn't a good place to look, but my options are very limited. Thanks for the advice and keep it coming.

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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

LOL it's so funny that you bring up the step-by-step part! The woman in my example; that's the way it's been going. Geez, I almost burst out laughing because that's what's been happening with her. When I first went in there I saw her and I just smiled at her. Later, I asked her a question or two and she replied. Two weeks ago I sat with her and her friends. All I did, though, is watch her beer and cigarettes while she and her friends danced. I ended up talking to another girl in the group but I probably should've been talking to her. Maybe a missed opportunity. The next time I go in there (if I do!), I'll try some of the advice. Yeah, if I strike out, I can try with someone else but I'll have the experice of trying. Well, I have 'til Friday to noodle it over. Yeah, my problem right now is still fear. Men, how do you overcome that, how do you get over that fear and just go up to a woman and say, "Hi"?

If you're to shy to experiment with talking to women in your hometown, perhaps you should find a place in a neighboring town where they don't know you. That way if you bomb out, no one will be pointing fingers at you.A flow chart? Won't work my friend because you said it yourself "women are so different".Just get up enough courage to smile at a woman and say nothing. Chances are they will smile back at you. When you are comfortable with smiling at a woman and saying nothing, then try smiling at a woman and just say "Hi". You get the idea. Take it in steps. The last one is smile and say "Hi, may I sit here?"A very wise philospher once said "Any journey begins with a first step."

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LiveToLove

Joined: 1/12/2009

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Etritonakin

Joined: 9/11/2008

You have to confront your fear. If you are serious about this woman -you might start elsewhere. Go to a dance hall and ask women to dance -just to dance -you will end up talking to some -even tell them why you're there -some might think it cute. It'll help.
I used to be shy about playing music in public alone -I had performed before large audiences before -but never solo -I was skeered! So -one day I got tired of a minimum-wage job -quit it -went downtown and threw open my guitar case (it was a foreign country -which sorta helped) -started playing some old granola stuff and singin' away -I 'bout puked all over the sidewalk, but that feeling soon went away -started pickin' and grinnin'... girls were smiling at me and people were throwing money into my case -I made more than I did at that stupid job!
Just gotta do it.

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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

Thanks, KQ; I'll take a look at that thread later, but I'd really like to get a woman's point of view. I'm sure she's as nervous and as scared as anyone who's there (espically if some stranger comes up to her and starts talking to her). Well, it is a woman I'd like to talk with and get to know and see if anything can happen. As for some of the things other people have said: Most of the women I see there I don't see anywhere else; so if I bomb I can just not worry about it. As for my fear, as I've said before, it's one of my biggest roadblocks in my way. LOL maybe that's why people drink; to loosen up their fear and just go with it. I'm proud of myself just for going in there and hanging out. If you'd ask me to do this a year ago I would've headed for the tall grass. Now, I'm ready to try. I've got until Friday night to try to put something together. Yes, there is dancing there. I haven't seen her do any slow dances with anyone; maybe I could try to get her out there for a slow dance ;). Wow, I just want to thank everyone here who has responded (and those who'll respond in the future). Yesterday morning, I was bummed and didn't want to go back there, but talking with you all here has helped me realize that I've got to try and get out there and just be me.

Parisman,I asked this same question in Ask a Guy(I think) and I got some good support.Maybe you could check that thread out :)

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Kajunqueen

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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

Lol! I wish it was this easy to speak with women in the real world! Anyhow, KQ, the place I go to has a DJ. I've never known them to have a real band (maybe possible? I've only been going there a couple of months). I was asked to dance by a married woman (go figure! she got me on the floor while her hubby watched! I'm not kidding!!) and asked a woman to dance myself. Geez, I was scared both times. I don't drink a lot either, so I don't know if that is a fau pax, but I'm not the getting drunk kind.
Today I ran into someone I sat with a couple of weeks ago. She found out I get there earlier than her and she asked if I could reserve her and her friends a seat. I told her I would try, but even when I get there, the party seems to be going pretty good. It's hard for me to, but I'm going to try to talk to at least 3 women Friday night and see what happens then. If you have any more advice, I'd sure love to hear it. Everyone wish me luck!!

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Kajunqueen

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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

Thanks to all. Now I want to try and hit the high points. Please make sure everything is right/wrong/need to add to it:
1. Be as confident as I can make myself.
2. Smile and don't be afraid to go up to a woman and talk to her.
3. Don't be crushed if she says, "No," in one form or another.
4. Just be myself and try to have fun.
5. Don't get the expectations too high.
If I've missed anything, please tell me. Hopefully if I put this out here now, I'll have everything I need (hopefully!). I'll look tomorrow, but just to tell you all today, "Once more unto the breach, dear friends!"

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southernscion

Joined: 3/10/2009

Reply to: Thanks to all. Now I want to try and hit the high points. Please make sure ever...
paris you have gotten some really great advice here, I would like to throw my 2 cents in, if you don't mind. (Sorry, this is loger than I thought it would be when I started it.)

Take the No's and learn from them. They No's are more frequent than the yes' but yes is where the pay off is. I'll use golf as an analogy, stay with me here :), I am a hack on the golf course: spraying the ball left and right short and long and for 90+ strokes each round I wonder why I continue to play this horrid game.

And then it happens. That one magical shot (usually involves a short iron for me) that is perfect in every way and lands EXACTLY where I wanted it to. And that one shot is why I suffer the 90 other shots that wern't so good.

Picking someone up at the bar was the same way for me. Well, it usually didn't take 89 no's to get a yes, but I was told no to more drinks, dances, weekends away, etc than yes. I never stop and always kept plugging away and the magical moment usually arrived.


Best of luck, and feel free to ignore me if this didn't make sense :)

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LiveToLove

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Kajunqueen

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parisman75

Joined: 9/3/2005

KQ, if you knew me, you'd know that I've always been quiet and shy. Lots of people (espically 'taken' women!) tell me I'm a great, loyal guy and would be wonderful for a woman. In all my 33 years, I've been real shy towards women and I know maybe that's killed some of my chances with a few. Trying to gain some confidence and just go up and talk to women after so many years of not even trying that is tough.
I hope I don't get in trouble, but I think you are a little older than me and the women at the place I go to....well, they're younger or right around my age. *sigh* I wish there were a few single women like you there; I'd probably be dating them and taking them on the dance floor ;). I probably won't be here until tomorrow so I'll try to let you all know what happened. Wish me luck (espically you, KQ ;P). Later.

"How to break the ice."Why does there have to be ice in the first place? Why can't one just go up and talk to someone like they have known them all thier life? Maybe we should do that...(?) Just a thought....

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