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shotthruagain

Joined: 5/25/2008

The Candy With The Little Hole.









This should make you smile. You have to love little kids.






The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red.....................Ch erry
Yellow..................Le mon
Green...................Li me
Orange ............... Orange


Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.


None of the children could identify the taste. The teacher said, “I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.”

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, “Oh my God! They're ass-holes!”


The teacher had to leave the room.





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solowkey

Joined: 7/20/2010

lmbao thats funny rite there good one.

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shotthruagain

Joined: 5/25/2008

Reply to: lmbao thats funny rite there good one.
Thanks, I was hoping someone would get a laugh or smile or both out of it... You have a Good Evening....







^-Shott

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Arkamani

Joined: 6/3/2010

Take that one: a drunk man, was laying on his bed, no light at that time. Suddunly he wanted to go to the bathroom, the mother came inside and he walked on her foot, she cried: do not see me? He said: i realy see u, but where do not remember

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nighthowl50

Joined: 9/28/2005

What ever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her grocies, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So if you give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Reply to: Take that one: a drunk man, was laying on his bed, no light at that time. Suddu...
I don't get it.......

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Arkamani

Joined: 6/3/2010

Reply to: I don't get it.......
Maybe coz the difrence of cultures or my english stil bad :-/

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Arkamani

Joined: 6/3/2010

Reply to: What ever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her a house, ...
Ofcorse, thats why " heaven is under mother's feet" . But u know, human is destroying the beautiful earth!

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shotthruagain

Joined: 5/25/2008

Reply to: What ever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her a house, ...
LmFaO... I Love That Nighty and Oh, How So True... LoL








Thanks for that, ^-Shott

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shotthruagain

Joined: 5/25/2008

Reply to: I don't get it.......
I kinda' got it....

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shotthruagain

Joined: 5/25/2008

Great Orators of the Democrat Party





"One man with courage makes a majority." - Andrew Jackson


"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin D. Roosevelt


"The buck stops here." - Harry S. Truman


"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." - John F. Kennedy





And, from today's genius Democrats...

"It depends what your definition of 'Sex' is?'' - Bill Clinton


"That Obama ... I would like to cut his NUTS off." - Jesse Jackson


"Those rumors are false ... I believe in the sanctity of marriage." - John Edwards




"I invented the Internet." - Al Gore




"The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS." - Joe Biden

"America is ... is no longer, uh, what it ... it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was ... uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children." - Barack Obama




"I have campaigned in all 57 states." - Barack Obama (Quoted 2008)




"You don't need God anymore, you have us Democrats." - Nancy Pelosi (Quoted 2006)




"Paying taxes is voluntary." - Sen. Harry Reid




"Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he." - Hillary Clinton (Quoted 1998)





And the most recent gem of wisdom from the "Mother Moron":





"We just have to pass the Healthcare Bill to see what's in it." - Nancy Pelosi (Quoted March, 2010)





HOW LUCKY CAN WE BE - TO HAVE SUCH BRILLIANT MINDS IN CHARGE OF OUR ONCE GREAT COUNTRY?





''Life's tough .... it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' - John Wayne



Go green - recycle Congress in 2010!









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ultimate dust

Joined: 1/7/2010

**This Post's rating is below the threshold. View Post

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shotthruagain

Joined: 5/25/2008

Reply to: Of course you like it Shott...it builds up the female..Are you gay Shott ?
Ummmmm, that's my point man... A Woman to Me is Just As Equal As I 'Yet A Woman Is Smarter than Me, More Balanced in Life (cooking,cleaning,washing clothes is all HogWash Dude) and Provides Me with A Feeling of Reassurance... It's Called, "Respect"... Once you Obtain It Ultimate then You Will Finally Be a Completed Man...

For Your Question: "What if I Was Gay Ultimate? Would You Hate Me Too Then And Bum-Rip Nasty and Hurtuful Words My Way? I'll Leave That Question Unanswered For One Simple Reason.... IT DOES NOT MATTER!~!!!~!

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shotthruagain

Joined: 5/25/2008

While she was "flying" down the
>road yesterday (10 miles over the speed limit), a woman passed over a bridge only
>to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
>
>The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing
>smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
>
>To which she replies, "I'm late for work."
>
>"Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do?"
>
>"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responds.
>
>The cop stammered, "A WHAT!? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
>rectum stretcher do?"
>
>"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work
>my way up to two fingers, then three, then four. Then, with my whole hand in, I
>work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then slowly but surely
>stretch, stretch, and stretch until it's about 6 feet wide."
>
>"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? ;he asked.
>
>"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
>
>
>
>Traffic Ticket. $95.00
>
>
>
>Court Costs. $45.00
>
>
>
>The Look On The Cop's Face...
>
>
>
>PRICELESS

>

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Kajunqueen

Joined: 11/29/2008

Here is the last "joke email" I got,hope it doesn't offend anyone:


HOW THEY HAVE SEX

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBL Y LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C'Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESS ERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLIS TS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOM ETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCAST ERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIA NS are pussy lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

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Prince Polo

Joined: 8/24/2009

Reply to: Here is the last "joke email" I got,hope it doesn't offend anyone: HOW THEY H...
WOW let me try to follow that up..........

One evening, an ambulance was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the paramedics got there is was too late and the man had died.

While consoling the wife one of the paramedics noticed that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had happened before the heart attack.

The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I guess he was going." LOL no offense to anyone who may have lost an old one in an unfortunate sex accident lately.

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*Sliver!*

Joined: 4/25/2005

Hey I'd be proud if any of my relatives died while fucking.

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ultimate dust

Joined: 1/7/2010

Towel head walks into a bar and sees his friend at the bar so he sits next to him..Hi , how have you been ..? Oh fine , how have you been ..very well thanks..How are the children ?..Oh they are great wanna see some pictures..? Sure I would like to see...Oh my how nice...they blow up so quickly these days ..

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anhonestsearch

Joined: 9/14/2008

Voted Best Joke in Ireland

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only be in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

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anonymous1

Joined: 8/15/2008

Reply to: Ummmmm, that's my point man... A Woman to Me is Just As Equal As I 'Yet A Woman...







Hi Shott,

I like your jokes, and political commentary.

My daughter cracked up at the Lifesaver joke; so did I.

Most of all, I like how you handled this....

Ummmmm, that's my point man... A Woman to Me is Just As Equal As I 'Yet A Woman Is Smarter than Me, More Balanced in Life (cooking,cleaning,washing clothes is all HogWash Dude) and Provides Me with A Feeling of Reassurance... It's Called, "Respect"... Once you Obtain It Ultimate then You Will Finally Be a Completed Man...

For Your Question: "What if I Was Gay Ultimate? Would You Hate Me Too Then And Bum-Rip Nasty and Hurtuful Words My Way? I'll Leave That Question Unanswered For One Simple Reason.... IT DOES NOT MATTER!~!!!~!



You're really getting centered.

He tried to knock you off balance with a personal attack, you totally dismissed him; and, made your point!

You did that very well.



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anonymous1

Joined: 8/15/2008








A patient goes to the doctor, and says...


DDDDD Doctor III I'm havvvving ttt trouble spppp eaking without stttt tuttering.


The doctor said, You've been masturbating way too much; if you keep it up, you'll go blind.


The patient then asked the doctor... CCCCC cannnn III ddo it ttt till I nnn need ggg glasses?




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naturistmale

Joined: 4/22/2005

Reply to: A patient goes to the doctor, and says... DDDDD Doctor III I'm havvvvi...
my brother has fallen out with his wife

it was her 40th birthday and she asked him where he was taking her


up her arse was not the answer apparantly....

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Prince Polo

Joined: 8/24/2009

Reply to: Hey I'd be proud if any of my relatives died while fucking.
Ya respect on that one!

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Prince Polo

Joined: 8/24/2009

Reply to: Voted Best Joke in Ireland John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's t...
LMAO nice check this one.


Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night. "My grandfather lived to be 96."

"Ninety-six? What finally got him???"

"Liquor and women."

"Well, that just goes to show ya," snickered the one guy, "both will get you in the end."

"Well actually, no, it's not what ya think. Towards the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."

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Prince Polo

Joined: 8/24/2009

Reply to: my brother has fallen out with his wife it was her 40th birthday and she asked...
YEA!! lol NICE

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